


We can learn to love again

by OnlyMyThoughtsForCompany



Series: Chicago Fire Re-written [2]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Hurt, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Will add tags as I go, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-26 02:52:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 37,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14392719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyMyThoughtsForCompany/pseuds/OnlyMyThoughtsForCompany
Summary: What's happens after the happily ever after?  After the heroes ride off into the sunset?  After the guy gets the girl (or rather the other guy)? Well, mostly?  Life.Or the ongoing saga of how Chicago Fire might have gone if Sevasey was endgame.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pall/gifts).



Kelly Severide could feel the sweat covering him in a thin, sticky sheen, dripping into his eyes, and sliding to pool in the dips of his collarbones.  His breath rasped out of him in harsh pants, with the occasional groan thrown in for good measure, and his heartbeat thudded uncomfortably in his ears.  There was an oddly pleasant ache in his muscles, evident even as he laid flat on his back.

Taking stock of all this, he decided that there were many more appealing situations, ones where both he and his boyfriend were much less clothed, that would have lead to the exact same symptoms.

“We could be having sex right now,” Severide felt the need to point out.

Casey stood a mere foot away, arms crossed, and smiling serenely as though he was enjoying a leisurely afternoon walk.  Of course,  _ he _ hadn’t been the one put through drill after drill all afternoon so he most likely  _ was  _ enjoying himself.

This had been Severide’s life for the past month, ever since he’d been cleared for excericse after his surgery and Casey had appointed himself his personal slave driver.  Running drills neither of them had seen since their academy days, Severide felt like a cadet all over again, which hadn’t been helped by the academy gym and equipment they’d been using.  All of that might of been tolerable if there had been a few more naked romps on the gym floor.

Casey glanced around out of habit, blue eyes sweeping for any lingering cadets, but the large, sunlit room was empty bar them.  The blonde smirked and stepped closer.

“Nice to know where your head is at, Kelly.  But I don’t think watching us fuck would convince the department that you’re ready to come back to work.”

Severide shuddered at buttoned down Lieutenant Matthew Casey swearing and with a lascivious grin, hooked a foot around Casey’s ankle to drag him closer.  With another glance around, Casey dropped to his knees between Severide’s spread legs and leant over him, hands on either side of Severide’s head. The man in question slipped his fingers under the waistband of Casey’s basketball shorts and yanked him closer.

“Do you like the idea of that?” Severide murmured into Casey’s ear and bit at the lobe just to hear the sigh it elicited.  His hands slid down from Casey’s back to cup his ass and urge him to grind their growing erections together. “People watching as I spread my legs and moan your name?”

Casey inhaled sharply before groaning, “Fuck, Kel.”  A hand slipped for purchase along Severide’s leg and used the grip to pull him even closer.

Severide moaned at the friction, letting his head fall back, and exposing his throat to Casey’s eager mouth.  He grinned wickedly to the ceiling before surprising Casey by flipping them over. 

“Or maybe,” Severide teased, catching Casey wrists and pulling them above his head.  Casey didn’t put up a fight and only blinked up at him with pretty blue eyes, lust making them a few shades darker than normal.  “Maybe you like the idea of people watching you get pinned down and having to… _ Just.  Take. It _ .”  

He punctuated the words with a sharp thrust of his hips and that combined with Severide’s words had Casey arching sharply and gasping on a moan.

“So beautiful,” Severide murmured, ducking his head to kiss at his lips, his jaw, his throat.  “So beautiful like this, Matt.”

All Casey could do was moan back his name, and loop his legs around Severide’s hips and draw him closer, overwhelmed by the feeling of him everywhere, his hands, his lips, the heat of his body pressed so tightly against his it felt like nothing in the world could separate them.

But then there was a clatter at the doorway, the babble of approaching voices, and they both pulled back, sighing before Severide rolled away.

 

With all the metal and the stone, the doctor’s office was freezing as well as unforgiving against Severide’s bare skin, as unforgiving as the doctor’s blank face.

“Fold your arms behind your back,” she instructed, watching him carefully as he complied.  “Now lift your hands as high as they’ll go,” she continued, making a mark on her clipboard as he did so.  “And extend your arms forward. And bend your elbows.” The doctor pursued her lips before setting aside her clipboard and placing two cold hands on his elbows.  “Press up against my hands.” After doing so, the doctor nodded cryptically and stepped back. “Thank you, Lieutenant. I’ll be right back.”

She left without another word, taking her clipboard with her, leaving Severide alone to pull his shirt back on and fight down the churning feeling in his stomach.  He and Casey had had conversations, real conversations about what they - because they were a ‘they’ now - were going to do if he wasn’t cleared for active duty, but the knowledge that they had options didn’t stop the fear from gripping him, knowing that the doctor was seconds away from making her decision.  Only a few feet of stone, metal, and space separated him from Casey and Shay, but Severide had never felt so alone before.

Casey had decided long ago that almost nothing was worse than waiting.  Waiting that infinite age to hear what the police officers had to say when they showed up at his door when he was 15, waiting for the judge’s hammer to fall and for the sentence to be decided, waiting for that letter that told him whether he’d gotten into the academy or not, waiting to see if his relationship with Severide would last longer than a night or whether it would be brushed off as a heat of the moment mistake.

But sitting in the lobby, waiting to hear Severide’s results, Casey could honestly say he’d never been more nervous in his life.  His leg bounced uncontrollably, and he couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute at a time. When he shifted for the umpteenth time that minute, he earned himself a sharp look from the receptionist and a sympathetic one from Shay.

Shay reached over with a hand to settle his bouncing knee.  “He’ll be okay, you know,” she said quietly, squeezing his knee comfortingly.  “You’ve been running him through drills like a madman,” she finished, sitting back.

“Yeah, and he’s been doing great, but it would just be  _ so  _ easy to flick him to disability.”

Shay looked like she was going to cajole him into some more positivity but her eyes caught sight of something over Casey’s shoulder, cutting herself off and catching his attention.  Walking towards them, there was absolutely nothing about the look on Severide’s face that hinted one way or another what the news was.

They stood to greet him, Casey catching Severide’s hand for a second before pulling away with a wary look at the receptionist and her beady eyes.  They’d never had anyone from the department have a problem with their relationship but still, they didn’t like to push it.

“Well?” Casey said finally, when Severide didn’t say anything.

Severide huffed a breath and a slow smile finally spread across his face.  Something tight in Casey’s chest eased slightly. “Full duty, starting next shift.”

Casey caught Shay clapping her hands to her face excitedly out of the corner of his eye but after that he was too preoccupied throwing himself at Severide with a laugh of disbelief to notice anything else.

“Congratulations,” he breathed into Severide’s ear.  He could tell from the shuddering sigh he felt in return that his boyfriend had been more worried for today than he’d let on.

After a long minute they released each other with only a brief, chaste kiss, and Casey moved aside so Shay could have her turn to jump at him.  He met Severide’s eyes over her shoulder, eyes that promised him the real celebrating would begin when they got back to the privacy of the apartment.

 

Hours later, after Severide had finally gotten the naked roll around in the sheets with Casey that he’d wanted back at the academy, the pair lay entwined, not talking and listening to the comforting sounds around them, the distant noise of Chicago traffic and the clattering of Clarice and Shay downstairs.  Head pillowed on Severide’s chest, Casey sleepily listened to his heart beating while enjoying the sweep of Severide’s hand trailing idly up and down his back.

“Kelly,” Casey said carefully.  “Just a heads-up, Eric Whaley’s still there.”

Severide tensed minutely beneath him and Casey kissed comfortingly at his chest.  Severide sighed deeply.

“I’ve got no beef with him,” he finally said.

“I know,” Casey murmured.  “But he might still be holding a grudge.”  He paused for a moment, considering his words.  “You know if you just told him-”

“No,” Severide said not unkindly.  “I’m not- no.”

“Okay,” Casey agreed easily, sensing it wasn’t the time to push it and they lapsed back into a comfortable silence.

“Your mum’s getting out soon, yeah?” Severide said after a moment.

“Tomorrow,” Casey sighed, voice laden with hidden meaning.

“Guess you’ll be staying at your place more often then?” Severide said.  There was an odd note in his voice but when Casey glanced up, his boyfriend’s face was carefully blank.

“Yeah,” Casey said, equally carefully.  “It is a condition of her parole.”

Severide blinked and the blank look melted off his face revealing a healthy dose of mischief underneath.  “But how will we have loud sex all over the house?”

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” Casey deadpanned.  “There’s always here,” he added.

“Yeah, I’m sure all Clarice wants is to walk in on us again.”

Casey chuckled in Severide’s chest, shaking his head.  “She looks so traumatised. I swear Shay does it on purpose sometimes.”

Severide’s laughter rumbled beneath him.  “She is kinky like that. You want me to go with you, tomorrow?” he added after a moment.

Casey considered it.  Out of everyone, Severide and Darden had been the only people he’d ever felt comfortable enough with to bring to the prison to meet his mum but that didn’t mean he wanted to drag Severide all the way out to there again.  “Nah, I don’t want to overwhelm her. But thank you.”

Just as Casey had before, Severide too seemed to sense not to push the subject any further and the room lapsed into silence, broken up only by the distant sounds of the city.

* * *

 

The grey building just about blended into the grey clouds behind it and Casey couldn’t help but wonder if it was an omen for what was to come.  There was quite a few of them waiting outside the prison, but it was eerily quiet, the soft patter of rain and the wind slithering between them louder than the whispers of conversation.  They all stared at the gates, many searching hungrily as they waited for a glimpse of their loved ones.

His mother’s ‘friend’ Rick stood a few feet away, having inched away after several failed attempts of conversation when he’d first arrived.  Casey hadn’t felt much like forgiving him after their last encounter.

“I asked Nancy what was on her bucket list once she got out - she didn’t get the reference.”  Casey gritted his teeth in irritation but didn’t show any other sign that Rick’s chatter bothered him.  “We forget how closed off these prisoners are in terms of movies and popular culture. Little things that we take for granted…” he trailed off, lost in thought before apparently catching Casey’s irritation.  “I’m just gonna give my congratulations,” he said, holding up the bouquet of flowers he’d brought. “And then I’ll let you two have your time together.”

“Sounds good,” Casey said bluntly, not caring if he sounded rude or not.

A clatter across the street thankfully halted any further conversation and Casey looked straight ahead again to see a small group, no more than half a dozen, of former inmates each holding a nondescript black bag walking through the gates of the prison.  

Casey pushed away from the kerb and crossed the street in a few strides to reach his mother where she stood just outside the gates, staring around in wonder.  She more fell into his arms than hugged him, squeezing him tightly as little hitching gasps left her throat, making Casey wonder how disorientating it must be to leave the only environment she’d known for fifteen years.

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” she mumbled into his jacket.

They pulled away after a long minute clutching each other - the first real hug they’d shared in years - and Nancy patted at her son’s cheek affectionately.  She glanced around and her eyes fell on Rick who was hovering nearby.

“Oh, Rick,” she said, still sounding faint.  They shared a quick hug before he handed over the flowers with a smile.  “Thank you.”

Rick glanced at Casey before backing away.  “I’ll drop by once you get settled in.”

Casey slipped an arm around his mum’s shoulders, waiting patiently while she stood there trembling and tried to gain her bearings.

“Ready?” he asked after a moment.  She nodded and he guided her away to his waiting truck, neither of them looking back once.

* * *

“So, how is she?  Your mum?”

Severide and Casey were sitting out the front of the house, just like they used to before, playing for as much time as they could before their shift started and they had to be professional again.

“She’s alright, adjusting well, I think.  I think it was a bit overwhelming for her at first but she seemed better this morning.”

Severide played idly with Casey’s fingers, interlocking them with his own, as he said, “That’s good.  I’ll have to stop by and see her after shift.”

“Ready to get in there?” Casey asked, smiling softly at the look on Severide’s face as he gazed up at the house.

Severide shot him a grin.  “I was ready a month ago. Let’s do this.”

Walking into the place had never felt so good for Severide, like he was finally coming home.  It wasn’t that he’d avoided the house during his month of recovery, but he hadn’t spent every moment there, knowing, despite Casey’s protests, that his presence was an uncomfortable reminder about what could happen to all of them.  His squad was the first to catch sight of him and Casey ducking under the partially raised doors, and were out of their desk chairs and hurrying towards him faster than Severide had ever seen them. The rest of the house weren’t far behind him.

The first few minutes were a mix of familiar faces, and buzz of conversation as he was passed around, shaking hands and hugging his colleagues, but rather than being overwhelming it felt just right, like the last month had been too quiet without them.  Finally he stopped in front of the Chief.

“Welcome back,” Boden said, stoic as ever, but Severide could detect a glimmer of affection beneath it as he was swept into a hug.  “About damn time.” He clapped Severide on the shoulder and stepped back so the whole house could get a look at him.

“The neck’s 100%, right?” Herrmann asked.

He sounded concerned, not suspicious, which was why Severide fought down the still instinctual flair of defensiveness and instead grinned.  “Yeah, you wanna spar a few rounds after shift and find out?”

Herrmann held his hands up in surrender and grinned.  “Nah, I’m good. I like staying in one piece.”

A piteous whine interrupted the laughter that followed and Severide stepped up to Pouch before she squirmed right out of Otis’ arms.  He’d only met the puppy a couple of times but she’d already grown attached to the Squad Lieutenant and was particularly excited to see him again.

“Otis is transferring,” Mouch piped up as Severide scratched behind Pouch’s ears.  Severide’s eyebrows jumped in surprise. That was news to him, and he shot a look at Casey, wondering why his boyfriend hadn’t mentioned it, but Casey’s face was perfectly blank.  Severide filed that away to think on later.

“What?” Otis asked defensively.  “Come on, it’s not like I’m being rocketed into space.  I’m going over to Morningside.”

Severide bit back a remark about Morningside being the quietest house in the city, and simply nodded.

Boden, sensing the tension changed the subject.  “Kelly, your relief Lieutenant, Eric Whaley.” Boden gestured to a familiar figure, hovering at the edge of the group.  It’d been over ten years since Severide had seen Eric but he had barely aged a day, a little less boyish in the face perhaps, a few more grey hairs.  There was no warmth in his expression, but Severide offered him his hand regardless.

“It’s been a while,” Severide offered.

“Yeah.”

“You two know each other?” Boden asked.

“Yeah,” Severide said slowly, trying to find the right words.  “I was engaged to Eric’s sister.”

“Ah,” Mouch said, realisation sparking and Severide winced.  “The original Renee?”

Eric looked at him sharply, looking arrogantly unsurprised, as if he expected no better from Severide.  “There was a second one?” he asked, spite colouring his words.

Again, picking up on the tension Boden stepped in before Severide had to figure out how to answer  _ that _ .  “Now that you’re back, Whaley will move over to engine and relieve Jeff Turner for the next few shifts.  Now, everyone listen up. Some of you may know Gabby’s brother Antonio Dawson. He has some information from C.P.D. for us.”

Severide hadn’t noticed him before but Dawson’s brother was also there.  Remembering that Casey and Shay had been talking about the plethora of overdoses they’d been dealing with lately, Severide tore his gaze away from Eric and tried to focus on Antonio.

“Thanks Chief.  Last few weeks, we’ve seen a spike in fatal overdoses.  M.E.’s office has connected at least a dozen deaths to a toxic batch of heroin.  Now be aware, it’s laced with fentanyl and in most cases does not respond to the normal protocol of naloxone.  We are now approaching each overdose as a potential homicide.”

The bells going off cut Antonio off and the cool voice of the dispatch officer interrupted the expectant quiet.  “ _ Truck 81, Squad 3, Engine 51, Ambulance 61.  Structure fire…” _

The house burst into action, diving for their gear and sliding into the trucks.

Boden’s hand latched onto Severide’s shoulder.  “Get changed out and I’ll give you a ride over.”  Casey had worn his work pants on the ride over, but Severide was stuck in his jeans which weren’t exactly regulation.  Otis handed over a surprisingly compliant Pouch and Casey appeared at his elbow, handing over his bag with an apologetic look.

“Could you…?”

“Yeah, sure,” Severide said, juggling his and Casey’s bags as well as Pouch.

“See you in a bit,” Casey said and darted off to join his company.

Severide hurried inside, dumping Pouch in the rec room, where the well trained dog instantly went scampering to her bed and thumped down obediently.  Severide moved off quickly to the locker room for the quickest change-out of his life.

 

All four companies pulled up in quick succession at the scene, a quaint bar situated on a quiet corner.  Boden and Severide were not far behind them in the SUV. Jumping down from the rig, Casey took a quick stock of the fire, eyeing the smoke billowing out from the back of the building.

“Looks like the fire’s in the back, probably where the kitchen is.  Truck, get inside, open up the windows and the exits,” Boden told Casey.  “Give me a primary,” he continued to Severide. “Engine, get an attack line in the front.”  All three Lieutenants nodded and separated, barking orders at their companies.

“Herrmann, Mills, open up the back,” Casey ordered.  “Otis secure the utilities. Mouch, Cruz- where’s Cruz?”  Casey glanced around in confusion when Mouch was left alone as the others hurried off to do their tasks.  The older firefighter shrugged, lips in a flat line, before nodding at the front door to the bar, which Cruz was already attacking with his halligan.  “Cruz!” he bellowed, practically spitting with rage. “Mask on!”

Cruz either didn’t hear him or ignored him, but regardless ducked into the smoky depths of the bar sans mask.  A second later the front windows shattered as Cruz knocked them down. Fighting the urge to curse, Casey held his ground outside and watched as Cruz made good time on the windows, and Severide and his squad headed inside.

“There’s somebody in here!” Severide heard Cruz yell as he crossed the threshold.

“All right,” he yelled back.  “We’ll find him.” The Lieutenant and his squad made their way through the bar right back to the kitchen which was bright with fire.  “Fire department! Is there anybody in here?”

They were forced back suddenly by a large fireball that was visible even from outside.

“Fire’s in the exhaust system,” Whaley realised.  “We gotta get that aerial up to the roof.”

“Herrmann, Mills,” Casey said into his radio, moving off to find them.  “Get that ladder set.”

“Severide, give me a progress report,” Boden demanded, watching the firefighters work from the pavement out front.

Severide’s voice came crackling through the radio in response.  “Primary search of the kitchen is a negative!”

Boden breathed a sigh before turning his eyes to Herrmann, Mills, and Casey who were scaling the aerial to the roof. 

“Let’s cut a vent,” Casey ordered when they arrived and immediately they got to work.

Meanwhile beneath them the squad company had finally put eyes on the victim, and were busy trying to determine the best route to him around the burning debris.  Hadley and Capp used a cord to loop around a burning section of roof and pull it out of the way so Severide could hurry through to the back section of the kitchen and pull the victim to safety.

A few moments later he heard Casey over the radio, “Vent’s open.”

Knowing that Whaley would be in moment’s later with the water, Severide and his men kicked into high gear, wanting to be well out of the way before the water came.  They heard the telltale groan of the hose expanding, and the hiss of water a second later just as they cleared the front door and heaved the victim onto the stretcher Shay and Dawson had waiting.

All in all, Severide didn’t think he looked too bad, covered in soot and looking a little pale, but otherwise untouched.  Severide gladly left his care to Shay and Dawson and went to join Casey and the Truck company where they were cooling off by their rig.

“Good to be back at it?” Casey asked, even as his eyes scanned Severide carefully for injuries.

“You know it,” Severide grinned in return.

“Board up crews,” Otis announced, interrupting them and gesturing with a nod to the black SUV that had just pulled up near the bar.

A group of four men dismounted from the car, looking vaguely ominous as they eyed the burnt out bar with greedy eyes.

“Why do they always look like gangsters?” Mills asked sarcastically from atop the rig.

“Because they are,” Otis returned, keeping a careful eye on the crew.  “Do you have any idea what these contracts are worth? Vultures.”

“Otis,” Casey barked, making him jump.  “You get paid to sit around and gossip? Get back to work.”  Looking like a scolded child, Otis got moving.

“Love when you get all authoritative,” Severide joked in an undertone, sending his boyfriend a smouldering look.  But before Casey could reply, he caught sight of something over the blonde’s shoulder and the fire in his eyes started to die a little.  “Hey, I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

Casey glanced over his shoulder and caught sight of Whaley exiting the bar now that the fire was out.  “Sure,” he said easily, even as his eyes asked if he was going to be alright.” Severide left without a further reply.

“Eric,” Severide said, falling into step beside the man.  “Look, man, when the whole thing went down, you and I weren’t talking, obviously.  And I never got a chance to apologise. I really am sorry for what happened.” When Whaley refused to so much as look at Severide, let alone say anything in response, Severide added, “We used to friends once, right?”

Whaley cut Severide a look so full of venom that he faltered on his next step.  “I’m only here a couple more shifts.” Whaley strode away without another word, leaving Severide to stare after him.

 

Boden was waiting for Severide, still dressed in his turnout gear, as Tony backed the squad truck into the house.

“So how is your neck?” he asked, after rounding the front of the rig to stand beneath Severide’s window.

“100%.”

“And you’d tell me if it wasn’t, right?”

“Wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t,” Severide grinned, and thumped Boden on the shoulder.

“Uh-huh,” Boden said, not sounding completely convinced even as he grinned back at his lieutenant.  Boden’s eyes fell on the truck company, all in various states of undress. “Otis, Casey, my office,” he called, and the pair immediately fell into line behind him as he lead them into the house.

“Otis, your transfer just came through,” Boden said without preamble as they entered his office, gesturing for the two men to take a seat.  “You report to Morningside shift after next,” he added, taking his own seat.

Otis, however paused, obviously thrown by the news before half falling into the chair.  “Oh, wow,” was all he said for a moment. “So, it’s official?”

Boden and Casey traded a glance, both trying to read the emotion in Otis’ voice.

“Only if you want it to be.  Look,” Boden continued after a moment.  “We know you made this decision off of one shift there, but you have had a month to think about it.  We want to give you an opportunity to-”

“I’m ready to go, Chief,” Otis said with more resolve than a few seconds ago.

“Otis,” Casey said, speaking up for the first time.  “We do a lot of ball-breaking in this house. It’s not that we don’t appreciate you, but if anybody ever crossed the line…”

“It’s not personal, Lieutenant,” Otis assured him.  “Morningside’s a smaller house, and I’ll have a better chance of getting off elevators sonner.  Plus,” Otis said with a slight shrug, “they let me drive.”

“They’ll be lucky to have you,” Boden said and stood, the other two mirroring him.  Boden offered Otis his hand and the pair shook warmly.

“Thanks, Chief.”

“Good luck, Brian,” Casey said, shaking Otis’ hand.

Otis nodded his head.  “Lieutenant.”

Boden and Casey watched him, leave before turning to each other with matching unhappy expressions.

“How are you doing with all this?”

Casey shrugged.  He’d been mulling over it since getting word of it a few weeks ago; he wanted his firefighter’s to be happy, but it hurt that meant for Otis being out from under his command.  “If he wants to go…”

“Yeah,” Boden sighed, and Casey let himself out of the office, escaping back into the chaos of the rec room.

 

Severide took the chance after the call to lead his company through their daily check of the rig, refamiliarising himself with his equipment, and reordering the things that had managed to migrate to new spots during his furlough.  He was just checking his oxygen mask and tank, making sure everything was in order, when Whaley went wandering past, slow enough that Severide looked up at him in question. He noticed a few of his squad members look over curiously, but they were too far away to hear any of the exchange about to go down.

“So, who was this new Renee?”  The question could have been innocent, an olive branch or attempt at cordiality, if it wasn’t for the sneer on his face.  “I’m curious.”

Severide knew this was just Whaley looking for something else to punish him over but Severide wasn’t going to play ball.  “I apologised. I offered to put it past us. If that’s not something that you’re up for, and you’d rather keep it frosty until you leave…” Severide shrugged.  “I can do that too.”

“What are you apologising for?” Whaley all but spat, his voice rising, catching the attention of the others again.  “For dumping her two days before the wedding or for what happened after that?”

Severide bit back the instinctive retort and forced himself to take a calming breath.  “You’re not in full possession of all the facts here, Eric.”

“Then enlighten me, Kelly.”

And he almost did; it was on the tip of Severide’s tongue, ready to spill the secret he’d held back from Eric for close to a decade.  But he’d made up his mind about this a long time ago, and he wasn’t about to undo ten year’s worth of work just because he was a little mad.

“That’s what I thought,” Whaley scoffed, when Severide simply shook his head and turned back to his mask.  “You were a coward then, and you’re a coward now.”

Severide was on his feet and less than a foot away from Whaley before he could think it through, and over the blood rushing in his ears he heard his men scramble to their feet, no doubt to intervene.  Severide’s hand curled into a fist but he didn’t move.

“Before this goes any further south, why don’t you walk away?”

Whaley took a daring step closer.  “Or what?”

Severide didn’t think he would have punched Whaley, he had just gotten back on duty, and he understood where the man was coming from after all.  But he was glad to hear a quiet voice from behind him regardless.

“Excuse me?”

Severide turned away from Whaley just as his men reached them, seeing out of the corner of his eye Hadley push Whaley back with a hand and tell him to walk away.  But Severide was too caught up staring at the short woman, clutching a plate of cookies, who had spoken, not having expected to see Casey’s mother so soon, nor in this context.

Is Matthew Casey-” she began before blinking at Severide, recognition slowly filling her eyes.  “Kelly?”

“Uh, yes, Ma’am,” Severide said, smiling slightly.  “It’s nice to see you again.”

He crossed the few feet that separated them and allowed himself to be pulled into a hug by Nancy.

“Uh, just wait here, I’ll go find Matt.”  He stuck his head inside the doors, and immediately caught sight of his boyfriend, calling for him to come outside.  Matt frowned at him in confusion but obeyed.

“Mum?” he asked, surprise flooding his features as he stepped outside and caught sight of his mother.  “How did you get here?”

“Oh, I took the bus,” she said pleasantly.

“What’s going on?  Is there something wrong?”

Nancy lifted an eyebrow at him.  “Just wanted to see where my son works.”  

The fact that she had never gotten the chance to before escaped none of them, nor did the reason why.  Casey didn’t speak for a long moment and Severide wanted to nudge him and tell him to stop gaping at his mother like she was crazy.

“How about we give you a tour?” Kelly offered just to break the silence.

“Right.”  Casey blinked and seem to come back to herself.  “Right, well this is the truck,” he said, nodding vaguely at the rig.

“This is  _ your  _ truck?” she asked, eyes roving over the behemoth vehicle in obvious amazement.

“Yep,” Casey said with a grin, starting to relax a little.

“And this is my one,” Severide added, gesturing to the stouter truck beside it.

“It’s smaller,” Nancy noted with a teasing grin.

Severide spluttered in response and was saved trying up with an answer to  _ that  _ by the appearance of Mills.

“This is our candidate, Peter Mills.  Mills, this is my mum.”

“Oh.”  Being the puppy he was, Mills immediately swept Nancy into a hug, much to her surprise.  “You’ve got a great son,” he told her, as they seperated.

“That’s very kind of you to say.”

Mills eyes fell on the plate in Nancy’s hands.  “May I?”

“Of course, help yourself.”  Nancy handed the plate over. “Share them around,” she continued, ushering him inside.

“Thank you.  It was a pleasure meeting you, Ma’am,” Mills called before disappearing inside.

“He’s so young,” Nancy sighed, staring after him.  “And you were that young too.” She turned her eyes on her son, patting his cheek lightly, not seeming to notice how he stiffened slightly.  Nancy had been well into her prison sentence by the time Casey had graduated from the academy, and Severide had heard her say it was one of her biggest regrets that she hadn’t been there.  He shifted uncertainty, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment and wondered if he should leave them to it. Thankfully, Casey cleared his throat after a moment and suggested they go inside and get out of the cold.

 

“Why don’t you tell Whaley what happened?” Casey asked quietly some time later, as they sat in the rec room and watched Nancy listen with rapt attention to the stories being told by the others.

Severide glanced over at him, wondering where the thought had come from.  “What difference would it make?”

“He’d get off your ass, for one.”

“If I was going to say anything, it would have been then.  There’s no use dredging it all up again.”

Casey shrugged minutely.  “Maybe he needs to know.”

“It’s over, he can say what he wants.  I’ve moved on.” The  _ ‘with you’  _ went unsaid, but was obvious nevertheless.  Casey’s lips twitched with a slight smile and he slid his hand into Severide’s, squeezing for a second, and Severide knew the subject was dropped.  “Since we’re bringing up uncomfortable topics, why didn’t you tell me about Otis?”

Casey’s lips twisted and he scrunched up his nose.  “I dunno, you were so busy with your rehab-”

“Matt…”

“And I didn’t even know how I felt about it.  I would have told you…”

A burst of laughter stole away their attention before Severide could push any further, and when the room settled again the moment was gone and Severide resigned himself to letting it go with a silent sigh.

Mouch appeared at Casey’s side, looking oddly intense despite the jovial atmosphere of the room.

“Lieutenant, can I talk to you a second?  It’s about Cruz.”

Casey didn’t look too surprised about that and Severide added that to the ever growing list of things to talk to his boyfriend about as he watched the pair disappear into the corridor.

“What’s this about, Mouch,” Casey asked, leaning back against the wall.

“He’s been acting a little off, don’t you think,” the older man said, obviously thinking of the call from earlier.

“I figured it was a private matter,” Casey hedged.  He knew what was up with Cruz but he was keeping an eye on the situation.

“Yeah, and I keep asking him to tell me what it is, but he won’t open up.”

“The maybe it’s a sign you should stop asking him about it.”  Casey lifted his eyebrows slightly, waiting for a response, but Mouch had apparently been struck dumb by the comment and only looked at him.  Casey nodded a sharp dismissal and headed back into the rec room. He hated being short with his men, but this wasn’t a situation that was going to get any better by sharing it around, and having Mouch sniffing around was only going to make both him and Cruz feel worse.

* * *

Casey hadn’t planned to spend his day off watching some stranger snoop through his house and poke through his things.  But that was how it ended up, he and his mum watching as her parole officer carefully checked the newly finished kitchen, looking for who knew what.

“I would have put on a pot of coffee if I’d known you were coming,” Nancy said cheerfully, not seeming at all put off by her presence.

The parole officer’s voice was flat when she responded, “If you knew I was coming this wouldn’t be an unannounced visit.”

The officer moved briskly through the house and went uninvited into the guest room that Nancy was frequenting, rifling through her things.  

“Those are personal letters,” Nancy said, voice growing colder, when the officer took a box off the chest of drawers and started going through it.

The officer didn’t even look up.  “As long as you’re on parole nothing is personal.”

“We understand, Officer,” Casey said, jumping in before his mother could retort.  “Thank you.”

“It’s all pretty straightforward, Nancy,” the officer said, moving from the room and heading into the dining room where she started looking through the cutlery and crockery.  “You’re to be in this house from 9:00 p.m. to 9:00 a.m everyday. You’re not to consume alcohol or illegal drugs. You are not to associate with any known criminals. And we have an appointment on the 23rd in my office, with as many unannounced visits between now and then as I see fit.”  She leveled Nancy with a hard look. “It’s yours to screw up.”

“Well, then you have nothing to worry about,” Nancy said with a tight smile.

The parole officer merely flicked her a look, eyebrows raised, as if to say she heard that all the time, before seeing herself out.

Nancy and Casey turned to each other once they heard the door close but Nancy’s phone rang before either of them could say anything.

“Hey,” she said brightly into the phone.  “Can I call you right back? Great!” She hung up again and still smiling, walked into the kitchen.

Casey was feeling a lot less happy as he followed her.  He’d known when he agreed to let his mother live with him that the unannounced visits would be part of it, but knowing something as going to happen and actually seeing it were entirely separate things, and the encounter with his mother’s parole officer had left him feeling a little off-kilter.

“Was that Rick?” he asked, trying to make conversation.

Nancy’s smile wavered.  “Eh, no. I called that off.”

“Why?  He seemed nice.”  A little creepy and definitely annoying, but nice.

Nancy shrugged, and poured herself a glass of water.  “He was too nice.”

“So who was that on the phone?”

“A friend,” Nancy answered vaguely.

“Another pen pal?”  Casey hadn’t meant to sound so accusatory, or ask so many questions but he considered himself responsible for his mother’s actions, and he’d rather step on her toes and know what she was up to now, then be surprised later.

Unfortunately, Nancy seemed to pick up on the tone in his voice.  “Wow,” she said, voice abruptly hard. “You make it sound so tawdry, but yeah.  He was someone kind enough to visit me in prison.”

Casey jerked as if he’d been struck, and saw a flash of regret cross his mother’s eyes.  But she didn’t say anything, and for a long moment neither did he.

“Well,” he said finally.  “Have fun with your… friend.  I’m heading over to Kelly’s.”

“Give him my best,” Nancy said, somehow managing to still sound annoyed as she did.

 

“And then she says, ‘ _ he was someone kind enough to visit me in prison’  _ like I wasn’t the only person who consistently went to visit her in prison.”  Casey threw himself down onto the lounge beside Severide and swung his feet into his boyfriend’s lap in one smooth motion.  “At least once a month, usually more, for fifteen years, and she acts like that was nothing.”

“I know, babe,” Severide said soothingly, one hand dropping to rest reassuringly on Casey’s bare foot, the other reaching for the beer the blonde was offering him.  “You know how your mum can be. She’s all smiles until you start disagreeing with her.”

Casey pulled the top off his own beer and took a swig.  “I just don’t know if this was such a good idea. Her living with me.”

“What else were you supposed to do?  She’s your mother and the only way she was getting out was if she moved in with you.”

“I know.”

“Besides you can always come over here when you need to escape for a bit.  You know Shay wishes you still lived here.”

“Just Shay?” Casey asked teasingly.

Severide felt himself grin.  “Oh you know, maybe I wish you did too… a little bit.”

“Just a little bit?” Casey challenged, dropping the heel of his foot so it pressed the barest trace of pressure to Severide’s crotch.

Severide sucked in a quick breath, eyes darkening.  “That’s cruel,” he said when the pressure disappeared.  Casey just smiled smugly and settled further into the cushions.  “So what was the deal with Mouch yesterday?” he asked, changing the subject when it was clear Casey wasn’t going to initiate anything further.  “He was pretty determined to talk to you.”

Some of the tension returned to Casey’s shoulders and Severide wished he hadn’t asked.

“It was about Cruz.  You remember before your surgery, we talked about someone making a mistake, and having to decide whether to keep it a secret for them or not.”

Severide vaguely remembered the conversation, remembering the feeling of Casey’s hand in his own more.

“Yeah, well you remember the fire where that banger, Flaco, turned up dead?”

“Oh, shit,” Severide said, catching on.

“Yeah.”

“And Mouch knows.”

“He knows something’s up.  But I don’t think he knows what yet.  Cruz has kept his mouth shut so far.” A beat of silence, both not having much to say more on the subject, then, “Do you think I made a mistake?”

“No,” Severide said instantly.  It would have been a hard decision for Casey, for anyone really, to make.  But at the end of the day, these men were their family, and as far as Severide was concerned, you didn’t turn your back on family unless you had a damn good reason to.  

His fingers slid over Casey’s foot before pressing firmly against a pressure point in his arch, wanting some of that tension to disappear again.  To his delight, Casey let out a low moan, melting back against the arm of the lounge and tipping his head back until he was looking up at the roof.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Casey asked languidly.  “Go for a workout?” He let out a little mewl as Severide moved onto the other foot.  “See a movie? Have lunch somewhere nice?”

“I have a better idea,” Severide all but purred, sitting up on his knees to lean over Casey.  He looped his hands under his boyfriend’s thighs and yanked until he was lying flat on the lounge.  

Casey smirked up at him.  “We can’t just have sex all the time,” he protested even as his legs came around Severide’s hips, heels digging into his ass to encourage him to press closer.  “We should go out and be functioning members of society.”

“Later,” Severide murmured, head dipping so he could mouth at the pale expanse of Casey’s throat.  “We wasted months being apart, sue me if I can’t keep my hands off you now.” True to his words, Severide supported himself on one hand while the other palm ran along Casey’s thigh before slipping under his t-shirt to trace his abs.

Beneath him Casey gasped, his eyes hazy with lust.  “Shay and Clarice?” he managed to get out around a moan as Severide rocked against him.

“Out.  Won’t be back for  _ hours _ .”  The words were an enticing promise, murmured directly into his ear and Casey groaned in defeat, hands already reaching for the button of Severide’s jeans.

* * *

When Severide caught sight of Otis sitting alone in the locker room at the start of the next shift, Otis’ final shift with them, the plan came together so quickly and so perfectly in his head that he couldn’t help himself.

“Morningside, huh?” he asked, the enthusiasm a little too much even to his own ears as he clapped a hand on Otis’ shoulder on his way past.

“Yeah,” Otis sighed, resigned.  “And I’ve heard all the speeches so, thanks all the same, but you can save it.”

Severide quirked an eyebrow.  “Speeches?”

“‘It’s a dead house’, ‘you’re throwing your career away’, all you’re gonna do is sell t-shirts’,” Otis remarked dryly, obviously parroting the lectures he’d been getting since he put in for the transfer.

Severide shrugged.  “I don’t have a speech.”  Otis’ eyebrows rose in obvious disbelief so Severide added, “I made a hundred bucks off this.”

“What?!”  The outrage in Otis’ voice was golden, as was the look on his face, but Severide didn’t dare give himself away by laughing just yet.  “What do you mean?”

Severide glanced around the deserted locker room, before taking a step back towards Otis.  “Oh, well, when you first started, there was a little side action on if you had what it took to make it at 51.  I took the under, so to speak.”

Otis looked affronted.  “Who else bet against me?”

“Confidential pool,” Severide lied easily.  “Hey, you made it four years, man,” he continued.  “I’ll give you that much.” Leaving his magic to work on Otis, Severide headed for the door but stopped short at the man’s next words.

“Okay, I get it.  It’s like a reverse psychology ploy to get me fired up and make me want to stay, right?”

Severide shook his head with a grin and withdrew his wallet, hoping he was remembering correctly.  Sure enough, there was a hundred dollar bill sitting right where he’d left it, and he pulled it out, showing it to Otis with a smirk.

“Son of a bitch!”

Severide snickered and left, figuring his work was well and truly done there.

 

The shift wore on, and it was a monotonous one with few calls, so Casey alleviated the evening boredom by heading to his quarters and checking in on his mother.

“How are things over there,” he asked, once they’d exchanged pleasantries.

“I’m actually about to head out dinner,” she chirped back, oblivious to the discomfort it inspired in her son.

“With this pen pal guy?”

“Yep.”

“You remember what your parole officer said-”

“I’ll be back before my curfew,” Nancy cut in quickly, her voice taking on a hard edge.  “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m going to worry about it, mum.  You haven’t even been out a week and you’re-”

“I am not going out to sell crack,” Nancy shouted back through the phone.  “Jesus Christ,  _ Matthew _ !”

Casey flinched at the use of his full name, the tone in which she’d said it bringing up too many bad memories -  _ Just catch the damn football,  _ Matthew!   _ Why’d you drop that plate,  _ Matthew?!  Matthew,  _ why can’t you just be better? -  _ but Nancy seemed oblivious.

“I thought you invited me into your home so I could live my life, but if your intention was to parent me or, or get back at me for what happened, then you shouldn’t have bothered.”

“You don’t get to talk to me like that!”  Casey was surprised to find he was almost yelling and hastily lowered his voice.  “After everything, after I stood by you, and let my life get turned upside down so you could get parole?  You don’t get to throw that back at me.”

He could hear Nancy breathing shakily over the phone, but when she finally spoke again her voice sounded more composed.

“I’m going out to have  _ dinner,  _ Matthew.  I’ll be back before my curfew.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hung up without another word, not giving him a chance to object even if he wanted to.

* * *

“As you can see from the prospectus, the offer on the table fluctuates based upon how many of us get on board with the actual offer.”

Casey leant against the back wall of the briefing room, fighting the urge to close his eyes and nod off.  Herrmann had dragged them all - bar Boden, Severide, and Whaley who’d all been smart enough to find something else to do - into the room that morning barely an hour before they were set to get off shift and begun to lecture them about the positives of investments.

“Now, it also entails that the owner be carrying the loan himself.”

$70 000?” Mouch asked, sounding skeptical.  “He’ll never take it.”

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” Herrmann said, sounding way too excited in Casey’s opinion considering the early hour.  “If he turns us down, he turns us down. I’m just looking for the 7k in cash to get the 10% down. Who’s in?”

Silence met Herrmann’s question for a long moment before finally, “I’m in.”

More than a few eyes turned to Otis at his proclamation while Herrmann was looking like a child on Christmas morning.

“Otis, buddy!” he crowed.  “We’ll keep you apprised while you’re over at Morningside.”

“Oh, no,” Otis said, sounding smug as he himself stood and addressed the room.  Herrmann looked a little put out at having his spotlight stolen. “I’m actually ecstatic to announce to all you people who  _ bet that I wouldn’t make it here  _ that I’ve withdrawn my transfer request.”

The occupants of the room exchanged baffled glances.  Casey could only smile, practically smelling Severide all over this.

“What the hell are you babbling about?” Herrmann barked.

Otis, for his part, also looked baffled.  “But, the bet… that I wouldn’t make it… Severide said…” he trailed off, looking at his lieutenant with wounded eyes, confirming Casey’s suspicions.

“Anyway look,” Herrmann continued quickly, regaining control of his meeting while Otis sunk back down into his chair.  “It’s a neighbourhood bar in Bucktown. We’re looking to bring in the new families that have moved in and have thus far been neglected.  You’re gonna pass up a deal like this? Mouch?” He looked at his old friend with imploring eyes.

“Too volatile,” Mouch said decisively.

“Alright, Mouch is out,” Herrmann said with a roll of his eyes.  “He think the bar is built on a volcano. Anybody else? I’m just looking for one more person to put in 2, 300 and we’re there.”

Dawson finished flipping through the information Herrmann had given them and shrugged.  “I’m in.”

Shay shot her an incredulous look and Herrmann sunk to his knees, grinning like a mad man.

“I’ve got to make money to pay for med school.  Plus, it sounds like fun.”

Which was the exact opposite of what was happening in the rec room if the sudden shouting coming from that direction was any indication.

“So then just tell me what happened!” A male voice shouted.

“We’ve already been through this!” A second voice, unmistakable as Severide’s returned.

Bad feeling starting to creep into his stomach, Casey pushed away from the wall and lead the group out of the briefing room and into the rec room where sure enough it looked like Severide and Whaley were seconds away from exchanging blows.

“How is this your business?” Severide spat, oblivious to the sudden crowd.

“How is this my business?” Whaley shot back, stepping further into Severide’s space.  “It wasn’t just Renee’s life you screwed up! It was our whole family’s!”

“Look, I’ve moved on with my life, okay?!”  Severide glanced around, finally noticing their arrival, and his voice lowered slightly.  “Maybe you should too.” He turned around and made to leave.

“Tell me, how do you move on from seeing your sister’s car wrapped around a telegraph pole?”

Severide stopped short, and Casey heard more than a few of the crowd suck in shocked gasps at the dramatic turn in the conversation.  He knew they’d all been itching to know the history between Severide and Whaley since that first confrontation, and it seemed they were about to get it.

“Come on,” Severide said, pleading for both their sakes as he turned back to Whaley.  He didn’t want his history being dredged up for the whole house to see, and he didn’t want Whaley to have to hear the truth he knew Shay or Casey was going to tell if this went on for much longer.

But Whaley misunderstood the plea, thinking Severide just wanted to save face, and his expression turned cruel as he addressed the crowd.  “Yeah, your boy, the great Kelly Severide, dumps my sister two days before their wedding. So she goes out drinking, ends up in a coma for three months.  And where was Kelly? Never heard from him.”

“Your sister hooked up with an ex-boyfriend before the wedding.”

“Matt,” Severide bit out warningly, never looking away from Whaley.

“No,” Shay said, suddenly speaking up.  “Casey’s right, he needs to hear this.”

“Kelly walked in on her with him, so he called off the wedding.  And he didn’t say anything because your entire family was at the hospital after Renee and he didn’t want to dump any more grief on you guys.  So he took the hit. That’s what happened, so back off.”

Whaley was looking at Severide like he’d never seen him before and the room was completely silent around him.  And as much as Severide had always wanted to save Whaley from this truth, he couldn’t deny that it felt good to have his name cleared a bit.

“Shay,” Boden said suddenly and absently Severide found himself wondering when the chief had gotten there.  “Hospital just called. Clarice’s water broke.”

“Thanks,” Shay murmured and slipped away.

“Severide, Whaley, my office.  Now.”

The group of firefighter’s slowly started to disperse, now that it was obvious the show was over, while Severide and Whaley followed Boden out of the rec room.  Casey raised an eyebrow at Severide as he passed, wordlessly asking if he wanted back up. But Severide merely waved him off and walked past.

“Is there anything else that needs to be said, beyond what’s already been screamed or yelled?” Boden asked, peering at the pair from behind his desk.

Severide and Whaley both shook their heads, and Boden looked at Whaley directly.

“You’ve only got three more shifts here, you going to make it?  Or do I need to find someone else?”

Whaley pursed his lips.  “I’d like to stay.”

Boden glanced at Severide.  “You got a problem with that, Kelly?”

“I don’t.”

“Eric, I have been on vacation for the past few weeks,” Boden began, obviously referring to his mandated leave after Ernie’s death.  “So you probably haven’t got a chance to know how I operate. I say things once, and once only.”

“Copy that,” Whaley responded, with a brisk nod.

“Alright, both of you, get back to work.”

Severide and Whaley filed out of the office in silence, Whaley speaking only once they’d reached the hallway.

“I think most of my frustration comes from the face that I don’t know where she is half the time.  She doesn’t really talk to the family anymore.” It wasn’t an apology, not even close, but it was an explanation, and Severide got it, he really did.  He gave Whaley a sad smile, and a nod before heading to the locker room.

 

Casey and Severide went straight from the firehouse to the hospital, where they were shown to the waiting room in the maternity ward, which was full of other nervously waiting family members.  Shay darted out for long enough to tell them that the baby was well on it’s way but other than that they were on their own. Casey dozed on Severide’s shoulder for a while, half watching a basketball game between heavy blinks, while Severide toyed with his phone.

“You’ve been staring at her number for five minutes now,” Casey finally said drowsily.  Severide’s shoulder jolted beneath his cheek, having though his boyfriend had finally drifted off.  “I think you should call her,” Casey added, sitting up.

“I don’t even know what I would say,” Severide said, locking the phone and shoving it deep into his pocket.

“In times like these, I think it’s less about what you say, and more that you called at all.”  Casey unwound himself from the chair, and stood, brushing a hand over Severide’s shoulder. “I’m going to get some coffee.”

Severide watched him until he disappeared from sight and reluctantly pulled out his phone again, pulling up his contacts list.  Again he stared at her name, Renee Whaley for a long minute. He didn’t even know why he still had her number; they’d been kids when they were together, just nineteen, when he was still a candidate, so young, and so in love.  Maybe that was why he’d kept it, because as long as it had been, and as much as he’d hated her, she’d been his first love, and he would always remember his first love. And maybe that was why he clicked on her name and pressed call, bringing the phone up to his ear.

Not that it mattered much why he’d finally decided to call, the phone didn’t even ring, sending him straight to an automated message that informed him, “ _ The number you have reached is no longer in service.” _

Severide didn’t know how Casey knew, but when his boyfriend returned he seemed to sense that Severide didn’t want to talk about the call and didn’t ask.  Instead he just handed Severide a coffee, made just how he liked it - thought the quality of the hospital brew left a lot to be desired - and sat back down next to him, sliding an arm around his shoulders as they waited.

They didn’t have to wait much longer after that anyway, and soon enough Shay was reappearing in the waiting room, looking much more subdued with a dreamy smile on her face.

“Hey,” she breathlessly, still smiling like a sap.  They looked at her expectantly. “It’s a boy.”

“Alright!” Severide grinned and the pair got to their feet, pulling Shay into a group hug.

“You want to meet him?”

“Lead the way.”

“So, how is he?” Casey asked, as Shay lead them through the maze of corridors and rooms.

“Oh, God, healthy, and so beautiful.  He can’t wait to meet you guys.”

“He told you that, did he?” Severide teased.

Shay grinned but didn’t answer, gesturing instead at an open doorway.  “Here we go.”

Severide and Casey exchanged glances before walking into the room, catching a look of Clarice sitting up in bed, cradling a small bundle.  She grinned up at them, and they were struck; the usually put together Clarice was completely devoid of makeup, and still sweating a bit, and her hair was bundled up in a messy knot.  But despite this she looked like the was glowing in the morning light that filtered in through the windows behind her.

They approached her bed from one side, while Shay took the other, reaching in to press a kiss to her girlfriend’s damp temple, and together they all peered down at the little bundle in her arms.

“Oh my god,” Casey breathed, eyes wide, reaching out with a gentle finger to stroke one round cheek.

“He’s amazing,” Severide agreed, drinking in the baby with his scrunched up eyes, and little mouth forming an ‘o’ as he slumbered.

“Daniel,” Clarice said suddenly, drawing all their attention away from the baby and to the doorway where a man stood.

All the adults in the room seemed to tense as one.  Severide and Casey had never met Clarice’s ex-husband but they’d heard enough about him to be on their guard.

“Do you want to hold him?” Clarice asked, as Daniel took a few halting steps towards them, all without saying a word.  

He seemed to waver for a moment, before heading over to the bed reaching out wordlessly so Clarice could place the baby in his arms.  The baby gurgled a little at the movement but a quiet shush from Daniel and he settled back down again. Daniel’s expression softened and a slight smile appeared as he gazed down at his son.

“Look, I don’t know what your plans are, but of course, I’d love for you to be part of our lives as much as you can.”

Something flashed across Daniel’s face, too quick to be identifiable, and his eyes roved over his child’s face a final time before he handed him back to Clarice silently.  He looked as though he was finally going to say something but changed his mind before anything came out, and simply walked out.

“Wow,” Severide said, shaking his head in disbelief as they all watched him leave.  “Father of the year, right there.”

Casey made a quiet noise of agreement, while Clarice blinked away tears, and Shay turned her attention back on her girlfriend and the baby.  Casey slipped an arm Severide’s waist and pulled him closer, both looking back down at the baby. Which was why none of them noticed for a moment that someone elsehad entered the room.

“Excuse me,” a voice said apologetically, and they all looked back around.  “Clarice Carthage and Leslie Shay?”

“Yes?”

“You’ve been served in the case of Daniel Schwartz vs. Clarice Carthage.”

He handed them identical manila envelopes that in their shock they took without a word.  The man nodded at them before taking his leave.

“What is it?” Severide asked.

Shay ripped open the envelope and withdrew the document from within, eyes scanning the words feverishly.  Whatever she read, she apparently didn’t like because she closed her eyes, looking devastated.

“It’s a petition for full custody.”

Clarice’s face crumpled, and both Severide and Casey’s stomachs lurched in sympathy.  Shay shoved the envelopes away and perched on the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around Clarice while she cried.

“It’s going to be okay,” she murmured in Clarice’s dark hair.

Severide and Casey exchanged glances, both wondering if it really would be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is drama (when isn't there) and there is a blowjob (enjoy).

Clarice and Shay were still reeling from the bomb that had just been dropped on them that when the nurse returned after cleaning up the baby, she handed him straight to Severide.

“He’s all cleaned up, Daddy.”

“Oh, no,” Severide said, awkwardly trying to shift away and explain.  “I’m not the…”

But the nurse was unrelenting and pushed the baby firmly at Severide, leaving him no choice but to simultaneously take the baby and ignore Casey’s snickering from the other side of the hospital room.

“Okay, then,” he muttered to himself as the nurse bustled away to check on Clarice.  “Hey there little guy,” he murmured, peering down as the baby - still nameless - blinked around at his surroundings with interest.  “Hey, bud.”

Despite their tears Clarice and Shay were smiling at him, but Casey’s laughter had stopped and he was looking at Severide with an odd expression on his face.

“What?” he demanded, self consciously readjusting the baby in his arms.

“Nothing.”  Casey shrugged.  “You just look a lot hotter than I was expecting.”

“Really?”  Severide glared at his boyfriend, only half serious, while Clarice and Shay burst into teary laughter.  “Me holding a baby turns you on?”

“What can I say?  I’m a family man.”  Casey made his way over to Severide’s side and looked down at the baby, cooing when the baby’s eyes settled on him.

Shay was watching them with interest.  “Does that mean what I think it means,” she asked, wicked delight suddenly in her eyes.

“Hey,” Severide said weakly.  “I thought marriage was supposed to come first.”

Shay shot him a look as if to say ‘ _ really?’  _ and gestured between herself and Clarice pointedly.  But it was Casey that really caught his attention.

“Whenever you want to ask me, Severide.”

Severide’s eyes nearly burst from his head while Shay let out a strangled snort.  Severide cleared his throat and managed to get out, “Maybe I want to see you down on one knee.”

Casey glanced at him.  “Maybe I will be.”

Severide’s brain short-circuiting over  _ that  _ was interrupted by a loud and horrified gasp from Shay.  The two men whipped around to find Clarice looking absolutely fine, and Shay looking at her phone in utter shock.

“What is it?” Severide asked, moving to her side as quickly as he could without jostling the baby in his arms.

“Dawson just texted, she’s here in the emergency room, her brother was shot.”

Severide closed his eyes and swore softly, while Casey’s stomach twisted painfully at the news.  After everything Antonio had done for him with the Voight thing, he hated to think of him lying in a hospital bed somewhere, or worse.

“I should-” she started, before glancing helplessly at her girlfriend.  “Can I-”

“Go,” Clarice said, waving her off.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’ll go with her,” Casey said.  “I want to make sure Dawson’s alright.”

“Can you stay with Clar?”

“Yeah, I’ve got things here.  You guys go.”

Casey and Shay strode through the hospital in relative silence, each too wrapped in their worried thoughts to try and make conversation.  Casey only broke it once to ask if Dawson had said how bad Antonio was, the unspoken  _ ‘is he even still alive?’  _ hanging in the air between them, but Shay told him she hadn’t.  

The closer they got to the emergency room the more cops they came across, until Casey was sure every cop in the city was crowded into the hospital.  He knew however, that it was probably only about half of the cops, the other half busy tracking down the shooter. They caught sight of Dawson across the emergency room, hardfaced despite the blood splattered on her as she talked to a grim faced detective.

Her cool exterior didn’t last long however when she caught sight of the concerned Shay and Casey, face crumpling and tears quickly filling her eyes.  Shay swept her into a hug and Casey laid a hand on her shoulder, just letting her cry. The rest they’d figure out later.

 

Casey was a little surprised to find his mother waiting for him with breakfast on the table when he got back from the hospital.  Seeing the hard look on his face, Nancy raised her hands in surrender.

“I’m not happy about our fight last night, and I think it’s important that we communicate.”

“I agree.”  He took a seat across from her, as well as the plate she offered, and gestured for her to continue.

“I get the sense you weren’t too happy about me going out with my friend Gary last night.”

Casey shrugged and cut into one of his pancakes.  “It had nothing to do with Gary. I was worried about my mother violating her parole.”

Nancy nodded in understanding.  “Fine. That’s understandable. Can we agree to trust each other?  Discuss things like two adults?”

Casey nodded, and took another bite of his breakfast, and considered what his mother had said.  “You know something? You’re right. If we’re going to live together we need to get things out in the open.  So I’m going to ask: why’d you do it?”

Casey didn’t need to clarify what he meant, and Nancy’s eyes went stony.

“Now you’re just being hurtful.”

“No,” Casey said truthfully.  “I’m asking a question that I  _ need  _ the answer to.  It’s been 15 years, I’ve never asked, and you’ve never told me.  What made you go over to Dad’s and-”

“You always do this!” Nancy all but screeched, voice sounding choked even while her eyes remained dry.  She stood from the table with a clatter, almost sending her chair tipping over backwards and stalked from the room.  Casey shut his eyes with a groan, listening to the distant sound of the guest room door slamming closed, before standing himself, gathering his keys and wallet, and headed back outside.

 

“Hey babe,” Severide said, sounding surprised when he answered the door to find his boyfriend standing there.  He stood aside to let him in. “I didn’t think I’d see you until later.”

“Yeah well, my mum is being her usual self, so it’s either watch a movie with you or go punish a punching bag at the gym.  Your choice.”

Severide deliberated for only half a moment before swinging the door shut and heading over to the dvd player.

* * *

Severide wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t uneasy when Whaley strolled up to him in the locker room during the next shift; it had been a quiet morning but Severide had no doubt that things could get crazy very quickly if Whaley wasn’t as calm as he’d seemed.  But the man offered him a pleasant greeting along with a takeaway coffee, and a small, brown paper-wrapped package, so he took them both with his own greeting.

“You still work on boats?” Whaley asked, leaning against a nearby locker and seemingly settling in for a conversation.

“Yeah, sure.  When I’ve got the time.”

Whaley gestured slightly to the package and Severide unwrapped it, pulling out the contents.  “Boater’s key?” he said. “Thanks, man.”

Whaley smiled self deprecatingly.  “You probably already have one, right.”

“Could always use another,” Severide said easily, in part to be kind, but also because it was the truth.

“I was out of line last shift.”  Severide nodded but didn’t say anything; he wasn’t going to disagree with Whaley, and besides it looked liked the man wasn’t finished.  “So, uh, that is half a peace offering.”

“Accepted.  And the other half?”

“A bribe.”

Severide chuckled.  “A seven dollar bribe?  Wow, I must be easy.”

“Used to be all I needed to do was buy you a beer and you’d do anything.”

Severide smiled at the fond memories, when he was younger and willing to do just about anything for the adrenaline rush

“Look.”  Whaley paused for a long moment, and the amusement faded from his face.  “Now that I know what really happened between you and Renee, I’m thinking she’s probably been letting the guilt eat her up this whole time.  I’ve got  _ no  _ right to ask this, but I think if you reached out to her, it could go a long way towards turning things around.”  He must have read the refusal already forming on Severide’s lips because he went on hurriedly, “‘Cause like I said, man, we don’t hear from her.”

Severide looked at him helplessly.  “Eric, I got over all this years ago, I’ve moved on.  I don’t even really know what I would say.”

“Here’s her number, at least I think it is.  Just consider it, please.” 

Whaley pressed a slip of paper into his hand, and walked away before Severide could protest any further.  The locker room grew quiet around him and Severide stared down at the number, 10 little digits scrawled innocently on the paper.  When he’d called before and it had gone straight to voicemail, Severide had felt like he’d been let off the hook, and now it was like Whaley had put him straight back on again.  He sighed and stuffed the paper into his pocket, leaving to find his boyfriend as a distraction.

Severide found Casey eating lunch in the common room, and fixed himself a plate, sitting down next to him.  His emotions must have still been stark across his face because Casey shot him a concerned look, but he waved it off, not ready to talk about it all yet.

“So, you’re our guy for construction on the new bar, right?” Herrmann said, plopping into a chair on Casey’s other side.

The blonde frowned around a mouthful of food.  “I believe the offer was for consultation.”

Herrmann looked at him pleadingly, but Casey didn’t yield and after a moment the older man threw his hands up in clear surrender.  Casey would have offered to help him out more, but he was strict on only having one side project going at a time, and his little townhouse was still in need of some good hard labour.

Herrmann vaulted out of the chair and began talking to the room at large about their plans for the bar but Casey tuned them out.  Instead he knocked his foot against Severide’s to get his attention, but before he could even get a word out, the bells were going off and they were all suddenly a whole lot busier.

_ “Squad 3, Truck 81, Ambulance 61, possible drowning.” _

Severide and his company vaulted into their rig and tore off in front of the others, completely in their element.  Tony drove, following the directions from dispatch to the bank of Lake Michigan, while Severide, Hadley, and Capp pulled on their diving gear in the back, trying to not brain themselves on the steel shelves as they were tossed around.  The rig pulled to a halt and they jumped out the back, a group of terrified children running towards them.

“We were playing,” one yelled as they reached them.  “And all of a sudden Patrick fell in!”

The kids lead them running over to where a man was pacing near the lake’s edge, who turned at the sound of their approaching feet.

“Please, help my son,” he said desperately to Boden.

“How long has he been under?”

“Three minutes?  Maybe more.”

Boden glanced at Casey who was keeping pace beside him.  “Let’s get that straight-frame to the edge of the lake right now.”

Casey turned to his nearest man, Herrmann who handed him a lifejacket, and nodded, already working on the straight-frame.  Casey pulled on the vibrant orange vest and turned back to the lake.

“Where exactly did he fall in?”

“Right here.  He came up for a second, but went right back down again.”

Casey gestured for the ladder his men were bringing over and they hooked it over the concrete edging of the lake.  Once it was firmly in place, Severide climbed on and turned around to address Hadley.

“Keep feeding me line until I hit bottom.  Then allow 6 more feet every time I tug twice, all right?  When I tug three times, I’ve got the kid.”

Hadley nodded in the affirmative, and Severide pulled on his mask, wasting no more time going under.  Meanwhile, Shay and Dawson brought their stretcher over. They stood watching the line with bated breath until it it tugged once, Severide’s signal that he’d hit the bottom.  Beside Casey, the man was murmuring under his breath, a prayer he thought. They watched the line traverse the water, tugging twice and heading further out into the lake, until finally there were three tugs of the rope.

Casey heard the poor man gasp beside him before he had to move to get ready by the ladder for when Severide surfaced with the boy.  Behind him he heard Boden tell Shay and Dawson first to be ready, then Mills, to go help them. A second later Severide appeared, holding a lifeless child in a red coat in his arms.  Someone swore.

“Is he alive?” the man yelled.  “Patrick!”

Severide passed the boy up and Casey got his first look, and it wasn’t good.  The boy was showing no signs of consciousness, and was practically blue from the no doubt freezing water.  Casey shoved his feelings aside and grabbed the boy on one side, helping to slide him up onto the waiting stretcher, which was immediately whisked away back to the ambo rig.

 

Even though it wasn’t protocol, Severide had Tony swing them by Lakeshore on the way back to the house so he could check on the kid.  He had the boys wait in the rig while he sauntered inside, catching sight of Shay hanging out by the nurse’s station filling out a report.

“Hey,” he said, snapping the strap of her radio.

“Hey.”

“So, how’s the kid.”

“Yeah, good.  Got him warmed up and BP stabilised.”

“Lieutenant?”

They both turned to find the man from the call, Patrick’s father standing behind them.

“Hey, I just heard the news.  That’s great.”

But to Severide’s surprise, the man’s face remained stricken.  “Yeah, thanks to you guys. I just want you to know… uh I didn’t- my son was in that water, and I froze.  I- I did nothing.”

“Sir,” Severide began, glancing at Shay, but the man just shook his head helplessly.

“I don’t know why I just stood there.  I wanted to move, but my feet wouldn’t-”

“Listen to me,” Severide broke in and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Shay shift away to give them a bit of privacy.  “I’ve been to thousands of accident scenes, and you never know on any given day how someone’s going to react.”

The man barely seemed to hear him.  “I did nothing. He’s my son, and I did nothing.”

“That’s cold, dangerous water.  If you’d gone in there, we’d have ended up rescuing both of you.”

“If you hadn’t shown up-”

“But we did.  And now your boy’s going to be fine.  And you’re gonna be here to take him home.  Okay?”

“Okay,” the man said quietly.  He hadn’t totally forgiven himself yet, Severide could see, but at least he was on his way.  The man nodded, shook his hand, before making his way back to his son. Severide watched him go, and he could feel Shay’s gaze intent on the side of his face, but he didn’t turn to meet her eyes, and after a moment she turned back to her report.

 

Casey and the truck company arrived back at the house after refueling to find that everyone had beaten them back.  Casey lowered himself from the rig slowly, the cold making him feel stiff all over, and made his way through the house, intent on finding Severide.  He checked the common area first, then both their quarters and the sleeping areas, before finally smacking himself in the forehead, unable to believe he hadn’t thought of it sooner.

Casey could hear a shower running the second he stepped foot in the locker room, and stripped off as he headed for the sound.  He could be wrong of course, which would make this very awkward, as he stepped out of his boxers, but he was pretty sure, and only hesitated for a moment before pulling the shower curtain aside.

Severide whipped around, a noise of indignation rising in his throat, before he caught sight of his boyfriend through the water.

“You are so lucky this was actually me,” he said with a grin, tugging Casey into the stall with him.

The stall definitely wasn’t made for two people, especially not two muscled firefighters, but this wasn’t exactly the first time they’d done this and it only took a second’s maneuvering for them both to be standing under the spray.

“Please, you’re the only one who showers after dive calls.”

It was true; there was no real point showering after a dive because unlike fires, or even other rescues, they didn’t get covered in soot, or sweat.  But for some reason Severide did anyway, maybe because it was the only time his human heater of a boyfriend actually felt the cold. 

With the warm water beating down on their heads it was easy for the pair to melt against each other, tasting each other with a lazy meeting of the lips.  Casey’s hands slipped over Severide’s skin, water easing the way, in a slow, exploratory manner that usually wasn’t possible in the firehouse. When they did this here it was usually frantic, a stolen makeout in the back of the squad truck, or a quick handjob in one of their quarters.  But there was something slow and quiet in the air today, between the frigid temperature, and the lack of calls that told them they weren’t going to be interrupted any time soon. 

Casey broke away from the kiss to mouth along Severide’s jaw, nipping at his earlobe when he reached it and making Severide groan and thump his head back against the wall.  Casey smirked against his skin and traced his tongue down the tendons before biting down on the base of Severide’s throat, sucking the blood to the surface. Another throaty groan emerged from him and a hand came up to lock in Casey’s blonde hair, holding him in place.  

He chuckled lowly, and pressed a kiss to the already forming bruise.  “Gotta be quiet, don’t want to be caught.”

Casey’s mouth travelled along his boyfriend’s shoulder, licking and kissing the curve of his muscles, even as his hands turned a pliant Severide around so he was facing the wall.  Then catching his hands between his own, he brought them up to rest on the wall, caging him in as he resumed his exploration of Severide’s neck. Severide was feeling sleepy and sated, half hard, with the hot water pouring down on him from above, his boyfriend warm and hard at his back, and the electric feeling of Casey’s mouth on his skin.  

He felt when Casey came to his scar from the surgery because there was an almost imperceptible pause; it wasn’t too gnarly, in fact the doctors had been very happy with how it had healed, and they assured him that it would fade to almost nothing with time, not that he cared, to him it was just another mark in the collection on his body.  Casey kissed it almost lovingly before Severide felt him drop to his knees behind him, and he moaned at that mental image. Unable to help himself, Severide turned back around, carding a hand through Casey’s hair and tilting his head so Casey had to look up at him with those baby blues. 

Casey grinned, a quick, mischievous thing before he pulled free to kiss his thigh, then the shaft of his cock, then the head, before he swallowed him down all the way to the base.  Severide thunked his head against the wall in lieu of groaning but Casey still swatted at his thigh, wordlessly telling him to shut up since his mouth was currently occupied. And occupied it was; Casey got him from half hard to aching and ready to go in a matter of seconds, tongue running along his shaft, and tonguing at the slit.  Severide felt just as restless, hands fluttering from clenching into fists on his thighs to sliding around to cup Casey’s neck, allowing him to rock forward in shallow increments.

“Look at you,” he rasped, touching where Casey’s lips were stretched wide around him with his free hand.  “Love you like this, baby.”

Casey’s eyes fluttered open and he met Severide’s through his lashes and Severide wanted to tell him how pretty he looked, except he remembered vividly how it had gone down last time he’d called him “pretty boy”.  Casey moaned around Severide’s cock, and brought his hands up to the back of his thighs, encouraging his boyfriend to thrust more firmly down his throat. Severide groaned long and loud at that and even Casey was too far gone to reprimand him for it.

“Babe- baby, I’m gonna come,” Severide said after another minute when he felt himself rushing to orgasm and Casey moaned again encouragingly, pulling Severide harder towards him, so Severide could come, shuddering and fucking Casey’s face.  “Damn, you’re good at that,” he murmured once he’d gone soft and Casey had pulled off. 

The blonde only grinned in response, throat no doubt aching after the brutal treatment Severide had just given it.  He caught sight of Casey’s cock, still hard against his stomach and pulled his boyfriend up, closing a hand around him so he could jerk him off.  It didn’t take long, sucking cock always got Casey worked up, and it only took a few strokes before he came, panting hard against Severide’s shoulder.

“Fuck,” Casey groaned, voice hoarse.  “I feel like sleeping for a week.” His head was still resting against Severide’s shoulder, who was running a hand up and down his back rhythmically.

“Unfortunately, we’re stuck here for another 18 hours.  But I promise after that, you, me, and our bed.”

“Sounds perfect.”

* * *

And that’s exactly what they did the moment they got off shift.  It had been a long night, call after call, with barely any break in between with the final one keeping them out in the field well into the next morning.  By the time they got back to the house and handed over to the waiting next shift, they were all exhausted and made a beeline for their cars. Casey, Severide, and Shay all drove back to the apartment together where they met an equally tired Clarice who apparently had had a tough night with little Wesley, and the pairs broke off and crawled into their respective beds, where they stayed until early evening, when they managed to rouse themselves for long enough to have dinner before collapsing back into bed.

It was around 3 a.m that Severide woke up.  He lied there for a long moment wondering what it was that had woken him up; it wasn’t Casey, who was still sound asleep, head pillowed on his chest, and the apartment was silent around him.  But then he heard it, a little baby’s babble coming from Shay’s room. Severide relaxed, and closed his eyes, waiting to hear either Clarice or Shay get up to comfort him. But Wesley made another noise, this one a little more urgent, as if he were working himself up to a full on wail, and Severide made to get out of bed, hesitating, only when Casey let out a sleepy noise of protest.  He waited to make sure Casey went back to sleep again before slipping out of his room and into Shay’s silently. Shay and Clarice were out cold like he’d begun to suspect but Wesley sure wasn’t, and he was squirming in discomfort.

“Hey, little man,” Severide cooed softly as he picked him up out of the sleeper attached to the bed.  

The plan had been to rock him a few times like Clarice had shown him and settle him back down to sleep.  But now Wesley was looking up at him with bright, alert eyes and while it seemed that he didn’t want anything - besides attention - it was clear he wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon.  Severide huffed, half a sigh, half a laugh, and headed for the stairs, grateful that he’d slept for most of the day. Shay found him downstairs nearly an hour later, perched at the kitchen island, flipping through the book she’d left there.

“What are you, posing for a calendar?”

Severide glanced over his shoulder at her, and she nodded at the baby cradled in his arms.

“It’s called a football hold.”

Shay came to rest her head on his shoulder and the pair gazed down at Wesley’s cute little face.  Even after being awake for an hour he was showing no signs of falling asleep but he also wasn't crying so Severide was considering it a win.

“Thank god he looks like Clarice.”  Wesley let out a little gurgle and Shay went to retrieve a bottle for him.  “Was he crying?”

“Nah, not too bad.  Just awake.”

“I must have been out like a light, sorry.”

Severide shrugged as much he could with the baby in his arms.  “It’s fine. Really. He’s a good listener.” Shay shot him an odd look but Severide was too busy thinking about the past hour he’d spent talking about the Renee situation with Wesley to notice.  “Hey, this attorney you guys have.”

Shay hummed encouragingly, as she focussed on testing the warmth of the bottle.

“Do you think she can locate people?”

Shay blinked up at him, and he could see she wasn’t quite awake enough to put together what he was saying.

“People like Renee Whaley.”

“Really?”

“No, it’s not like that.  Eric asked if I could reach out.  Apparently she’s been off the grid for a while.  He gave me a number, but maybe if I just showed up she’d-” Shay was giving him such an odd look that he cut himself off.  “I don’t even know why I’m bothering with all this.”

“You’re bothering because it might help.”

“And what would it do for me?  Nothing, besides dredging up a whole load of bad memories.”

Shay was quiet for a long moment and the only sound was off Wesley slurping from his bottle.

“What?”

Shay shrugged with a funny, little smile.  “I mean, today at the hospital you reached out to some father you’ve never met, but you don’t want to try help someone you almost married?”

Severide didn’t even know how to respond to that and Shay didn’t give him much of a chance, taking a now sleepy and sated Wesley for him and heading back upstairs.  Severide sighed and after a moment followed her up.

“Where’d you go?” Casey murmured sleepily as Severide slipped back into bed.

“Wesley got me up.”

Casey hummed absently and squirmed back into Severide’s arms, apparently willing and content to go back to sleep.  But Severide felt wide awake.

“What’s wrong?” Casey mumbled into his chest, before poking him in the side when he didn’t immediately spill.

“Eric gave me a new number for Renee.”

It took Casey a moment to process that.  “Really? You gonna give her a call?”

“Probably.  But I was thinking, it would be so easy for her to just ignore my message, maybe I should just to contact her in person.  Shay thinks I owe it to her, but I don’t know if I actually want to see her again.”

Casey was quiet for a long moment, and Severide felt a pang of guilt for doing this to him in the middle of the night.  “I don’t think you owe it to her,” Casey said slowly. “I don’t know, maybe you do, but I do know it’s not for us to decide.  But I  _ do _ think you should go look for her, I think it would give you closure.”

Severide felt himself stiffen.  “I don’t need closure,” he said quickly.

Casey chuckled.  “Oh really?”

“All this happened years ago, then I was with you, I’m back with you, I’m not hung up on her.”

“I don’t think you’re still hung up on her, I just think you haven't gotten closure yet, there’s a difference.  You were going to marry this girl, Kelly-”

“So everyone keeps telling me.”

“And then she cheated on you, then she almost died, and you never saw her again after that.  And I think maybe you need to close the door on that situation, and maybe the best way to do that is to go find her.”

Severide sighed, and Casey pressed a reassuring kiss to his pec.

“Do you know how annoying it is that you’re this smart at 4am?”

* * *

It took Shay’s lawyer a few days but soon enough she tracked down a Renee Whaley still living and working in Chicago, and he sent through an address that she supposedly worked at.  Casey offered to come with him, but Severide didn’t want it to seem like they were ganging up on her, and besides, he didn’t think Renee would be happy to see  _ him _ , let alone his new boyfriend.  So on his next free day he made his way downtown to a place called Club Venus.

The name rang a distant bell in the back of his head and a bad feeling grew in the pit of his stomach.  It only got worse when he stepped inside to find a dimly lit and near empty club, complete with tacky furniture, a long bar, and several stages, a few of which were occupied by scantily clad women.  They swung their hips and rolled their bodies to music pulsating from the speakers, entertaining the handful of patrons who were there that early in the day. Severide scanned the room quickly, trying to peer through the neon lights to find her, before finally spotting a familiar profile.

“Renee?”

She looked almost nothing like the last time he’d seen her, the carefree girl he’d fallen in love with seemingly long gone.  In her place stood someone older, face too sharp, eyes too dark, like she’d seen what the world was really like.

She looked over with a smile; fake, Severide could tell, not that it mattered because it quickly slipped away at the sight of him.  Panic entered her eyes for a split second before they smoothed over and she glanced back at the greasy man she was sharing the booth with.  Severide shifted on the spot and tried not to stare at the hand the man had on her thigh.

“Be right back.”

She slipped out of the booth and stepped towards him, hurriedly closing the satin gown she had draped loosely over her shoulders, but not before Severide caught a flash of lots of skin and very little red and black  lace.

“Kelly Severide,” she said, voice devoid of all emotion.  She tried for a smile but didn’t quite manage it and kept her eyes diverted from his.

“Good seeing you,” he offered.  “How you doing?”

But it seemed Renee wasn't in the mood for half hearted small talk.  “What bring you here? Or is this just one hell of an awkward coincidence?”  He could see she was trying to be her usual brave, flippant self, but there was too much embarrassment in her voice, and she couldn’t meet his eyes for more than a moment, and the whole performance falling flat.

“No, I’m working with Eric, we’re at the same house at the moment, 51.”

“Oh?”

“And he asked if I’d come check-”

“I’m doing fine.  That’s what you came to find out, right?”

“I guess so, yeah.”

“Well, your questions been answered then.  Thanks for your concern.”

At least her ability to completely dismiss another person with a single, cutting remark hadn’t changed, Severide thought with a sigh as she turned on her heel, flipping her hair, and sauntering back to the sleazy man.  Severide stayed only long enough to see the guy almost drag her into his lap before he left, sure he was going to do something stupid if he stayed a second longer.

* * *

As much as he liked Dawson and considered her a friend, the last thing Casey felt like doing was being cornered by her the second he stepped into the house at the start of their next shift.  He hadn’t had a chance to see Severide since the man had gone looking for Renee and had wanted to talk to him before their first call. His impatience with Dawson only grew when she started explaining why she’d dragged him into one of the meeting rooms.

“You went to Voight for help?” Casey said slowly, unable to believe what she was saying.

“They tried to kill Antonio, and for all I know they may still want to finish the job.  Plus all those O.D’s.”

“Voight tried to take me out!”

Dawson flinched as his loud voice reverberated around the room and Casey fought to get himself under control.  He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily.

“He’s a liar and a crook.”

“I know.”

“But sometimes you gotta, you know, dance with the devil.”

Casey scoffed and fought the urge to roll his eyes.  He knew just how much of a devil Voight could be, and had never given in.  “That’s a cop out and you know it.”

“I didn’t feel like I had any other choice.  I’m sorry.”

Casey pushed away from the table he was leaning against.  “Just do what you need to do, Dawson. I hope it all works out for you,” he tossed over his shoulder before stalking from the room.

 

When Severide caught sight of Whaley in the kitchen, he didn’t exactly want to clue him into the Renee of it all, but he figured if it was  _ his  _ sister, he’d want someone to tell him she was at least alive.  So, he walked up to the man under the guise of getting himself a cup of coffee, infinitely grateful that the room was otherwise empty.

“Hey, man.”

“Morning.”

“So, I saw Renee.”  Might as well get it over with, Severide figured.

Whaley’s own mug of coffee clattered onto the bench but he didn’t seem to notice as the brown liquid spilled over the edge.  “You’re kidding.” The relief in his voice was palpable and sent a pang of guilt through Severide’s stomach. “That’s so great.”  His face must have given him away because Whaley’s smile faded slightly. “Or was it?”

Severide’s chest ached at the thought of what he was about to say, and the lie tasted bitter in his mouth when he said, “No, she’s doing fine.” 

“Where’d you find her?”

“Just at this club she works at.”

Whaley’s eyebrows furrowed.  “Cocktail waitress?”

“Something like that.”

“And she’s good?  She’s happy?”

“Seems so.”

If Whaley thought his non-answers were suspicious he didn’t let on as he thanked Severide, adding cheerfully, “Hopefully I’ll hear from her,” before striding off, a spring in his step.

And Severide wasn’t lying when he mumbled, “Yeah, I hope so.”

 

“I just lied to him, Matt.  Right to his face.”

Casey’s expression was sympathetic.  “What were you supposed to say, Kel? Your sister looks like hell and I’m pretty sure she’s working as a stripper?  He would’ve lost it.”

“Doesn’t he deserve the truth though?  What if it were Christie and someone didn’t tell you?”

Casey’s face darkened at the very thought.  “Alright, fair. But what good is it going to do, telling him?  Sounds to me like she’s not interested in anyone’s help. Whaley will charge in there and could push her into something worse.  Better to give her time and space while she’s still relatively safe.”

“It’s been how many years?  I think she’s had enough time and space.”

“Maybe she needs closure just as much as you?”

“Yeah, not that going there gave me much,” Severide grumbled under his breath, thinking about Renee’s hollow eyes and fake smile.  “Anyway, what’s up with you? You looked like a storm cloud walking in here before.”

Casey had stalked into his quarters a half hour before ready to burst and vent about the Dawson situation before he’d caught the look on his boyfriend’s face and forced him to go first.  Casey sighed, about to unleash the mess of thoughts that had been swirling around his head since the whole Dawson thing when the bells went off.

_ “Truck 81, Squad 3, Battalion 25, Ambulance 61, house collapse.” _

Severide swore under his breath.  “Later,” he promised as they both go to their feet and hurried out to their rigs.  The scene they pulled up to was one of a plain, white, two story house, a worried looking woman pacing the curb out the front, staring up worriedly where the top story had started to buckle.

“The ceiling fell in,” she explained as soon as they jumped out of their trucks.

“We’re gonna take a look, stay back,” Casey instructed as he lead the way over to the house.

“Our upstairs neighbour is a crazy hoarder, keeps all these magazines and newspapers.  The top floor has been creaking for months.”

Casey jogged up the stairs and tried to push open the door, but it held fast.  Through the small gap Casey could see the huge mound of debris that had fallen down from the upstairs story, and knew there was no way they were getting in through the front door.

“Have you seen him?” he heard Herrmann ask.

“The building is compromised,” Boden called out a moment later.  “Everybody proceed with caution.”

Severide bounded up the stairs to join Casey on the porch.  “Top level fall in on the ground?”

Casey nodded.  “And looks like main level collapsed into the basement.”  The pair headed back down to the ground. “Is there another entrance to the basement?”

The woman nodded and pointed to a door set into the side of the house.  A moment later her face paled and she held a hand to her heart. “Oh my god, my daughter goes down there with her boyfriend sometimes.”

Casey and Severide glanced to Boden for the confirmation.

“Go.  Truck and Squad, get all the airbags and cribbing we have.”

Casey and Severide headed for the door while the rest of their companies set to work gathering the supplies they’d need.  And they’d definitely need it, as they saw when they got to the door; the main level had collapsed deep into the basement, creating only a narrow tunnel for them to crawl in through.  Casey wasn’t claustrophobic but  _ that  _ made him nervous.

Boden lead the charge back over to them and grimaced at the sight.  “We need to create a tunnel using airbags and cribbing. We’ll slide them in one by one, and then use the cribbing as support.  Severide, you’re in front.”

Severide surveyed the men assembled and did some fast thinking.  “Alright, Casey I want you right behind me, then Herrmann, Capp, Cruz, Hadley, and Mills right behind.  The rest of you guys, up to feed the line.”

Severide grabbed the first airbag and started to crawl in, with Casey right on his heels.  Together they crawled in as far as they could go before the space got too tight and they signalled for them to fill the airbag.  They shoved debris out of their way and kept going, trying to ignore the creaking off the floor above them. Cribbing was passed up the line to stabilise as they went until finally the need for another airbag surfaced.  Severide, estimating that they had to be almost halfway across the house, called for the second airbag and pulled it into place.

“Alright, up on yellow.”

Casey hit the button and the bag started to inflate, lifting the unruly roof up and off them and exposing  a hidden crevice that seemed to have been somewhat protected during the collapse. Casey shifted into the space created by lifting the roof and together they saw two terrified face peek over what looked to be an overturned lounge.

“We need the stokes basket down the tunnel.”

It was a long and hot wait for the stokes basket to get slid down the passage, get the girl strapped in and send her out, before waiting for it to come back for the boy, but eventually they got both the kids and themselves out just in time before the main floor collapsed completely and the basement was lost.

* * *

Despite all the drama going on outside of the house, as always the shift went on as usual, routine calls distracting them from everything else.  And Casey supposed that was one of the most important parts of the job; being able to leave everything else behind when the bells went off and he pulled out of the driveway in the rig.  But inevitably, the shift would come to an end at 8am the next day and all his problems would be waiting for him, right where he left them. Not that it meant he had to deal with them straight away, of course.

Rather than ruining the rest of their day by thinking about the Renee situation, or Casey’s mother, or even Dawson, the pair decided to treat themselves to a nice lunch date, and caught an afternoon movie, before retiring back to Severide’s apartment just as early evening settled in.  There they found Shay and Clarice cuddled up with baby Wesley, joining them in the living room and getting started on setting up the baby crib as they’d promised.

“Any word back yet from Daniel on the 50/50 offer?”

Clarice’s eyes grew troubled for a moment.  “No, not yet.”

“Oh, he’ll take it.  It’s the best deal he’s gonna get, and he knows it.”

“Well, Wesley is going to have two good men in his life, regardless,” Clarice said, fondness evident in both her voice and her face, as Casey and Severide worked together on fitting the crib together.

“All right,” Casey said a few minutes later as he finished tightening the last screw.  “There you have it.”

“I can keep it in my room until you’re ready to swap it out,” Severide offered.  

His phone rang a moment later and he stepped away to answer it, while Shay and Clarice headed upstairs with the nearly asleep Wesley.  Whoever it was, he only spoke to them for a few minutes before hanging up, looking troubled.

“What is it?” Casey asked, standing to meet his boyfriend.

“That was Eric.  He just got a call from a hospital, Renee apparently took a bunch of pills.”

“Shit,” Casey breathed.  His eyes traced over his boyfriend’s face with concern, but Severide’s expression was distant.

“Maybe it wasn’t space she needed after all.”  Casey flinched and Severide’s face immediately creased with regret.  “I’m sorry,” he said and grabbed Casey’s hand. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine, you’re in shock.”  He squeezed his hand comfortingly.  “What are you going to do now? Do you want me to stay?”

He’d planned to go home to finally deal with the Nancy situation but he didn’t exactly feel happy about leaving his boyfriend after hearing that.  But Severide waved him away easily.

“No, no, go talk to your mum.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, I love you.”  He pressed a quick kiss to Severide’s lips but the other man lingered, forehead tilted to his, and eyes pinched close in obvious worry.

“I love you too,” he replied after a long moment.

The drive home after that was hard enough, but it got a lot worse when Casey got back to his town house only a few minutes later to find it empty and dark, despite it being half an hour past Nancy’s curfew.  Swearing to himself, Casey stalked from room to room, making himself a light dinner that he was too tense to eat, too keyed up to sit down and watch television, or go to bed. There was no relaxing until Nancy stumbled in, cheeks pink with laughter nearly an hour later.

Her expression dimmed slightly when she saw the less than impressed expression on her son’s face.  “I’m so sorry, Matt. Gary and I just kinda lost track of time, and we were going to make it back, we really were, but then something happened with his car.  I don’t know, it had something to do with the clutch, I think? Anyway, it broke down on us right there on the Eisenhower, and then we had to call the tow truck, go to the service center, it was a whole big thing.”  

Nancy stopped breathless, obviously expecting her son to jump in, assure her that it was fine, that he would have her back when the parole officer came knocking, but Casey wasn’t in the mood to play.

“Do you want me to get the driver’s card?  Or the receipt?”

“Yeah, get them for me.”

Nancy’s expression darkened completely and she rolled her eyes, looking just like a petulant teenager who didn’t want to admit she’d done something wrong.  “I don’t know why I even bother.”

“You’ve got two weeks to find a new place.”  

“What?!”  All Nancy’s sarcasm and bravado was gone, replaced completely with shock, and a tinge of fear.  Casey didn’t know where the word had come from but he didn’t regret saying them in the least. For too long he’d supported his mother unquestionably, and frankly he was too old and too smart to keep doing it.

“Where am I gonna live?  Where am I gonna go?”

Casey shrugged.  “I don’t know. You’ve got two weeks to figure it out.”

Casey turned to head back to his bedroom when his mother’s voice stopped him.  “He chipped away at me, you know?”

When he turned back around, Nancy wasn’t even looking at him, instead her eyes were distant, and Casey just knew she was thinking back to fifteen years ago, to when his father had still been alive.

“Every day, your father.  He convinced me that, not only wasn’t I a worthy mother, I wasn’t even a worthy person.  I believed him. But then he started to do it to you. Every day another sidelong comment, another criticism, you remember it, I know you do.”

And Casey did.  He could see, clear as his mother standing in front of him, his father, beer in hand, and hurling abuse at him for every less than perfect grade, for every failed football tryout, for every lost hockey game.  This was the bit that Christie didn’t remember, because while she’d been across town, safe at college, Casey and his mother had been going through their own personal hell, right in their own home.

And his father had never raised a hand to him, or his mother as far as he knew.  No, he’d never struck his wife or his son, but what he had done, the things he’d said had almost been worse, and on the bad days, when Casey couldn’t quite remember what his father had looked like, or what his favourite brand of beer had been, those were the words he remembered the most.

“You started to internalise it,” Nancy continued, as though in a trance, and she didn’t seem to notice the tormented expression on Casey’s face.  He’d waited fifteen years for this explanation, and it was only now that he realised that he might not want to actually hear it. “And my worst fear was coming true; that he was going to do to you what he did to me.

“So that night when he called, we argued, and he said something… about you.  Something so cruel. And I snapped. And I went, and I got the gun out of the box that he kept in the closet.  And I took the house key that you’d left out. And I drove across town. And I shot him. Just to shut him up. Just to never hear those words coming out of his mouth again.”

Nancy’s eyes were bright with pain and she walked closer to her son, and ever so slowly lifted a hand to his cheek.  Casey was too entranced in her story that he couldn’t move away.

“I know what you’re thinking.  I know what you thought. But I know  _ you,  _ Matthew.  You don’t have that kind of anger inside you, that ability to completely lose control.  And I think that’s what you really wanted to know.”

Nancy’s smile was just a touch bitter, as she let her hand drop, and she walked away, leaving her son to stand in shock and contemplate everything she’d just told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert gif of Mushu saying I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE*
> 
> Yes that is right people I am actually alive and actually working on this fic, not that you would know it considering it's been literally ages since I posted. I'm really sorry about that guys, I have no excuses other than life is hard and it gets busy sometimes. And for some reason this was a really hard chapter to write. But anyway, I am so so so glad of those who have stuck by me through this and are still reading, leaving kudos, and commenting, it means so so so much to me.
> 
> Anyway this final scene is one of my favourites of the entire show so I actually tried to leave it mostly as it because I think the dialogue is gorgeous, and the acting in the show was amaaaaaazing. I always think I have heaps to say but then when I'm actually writing the author's note I always forget xD so I think that's it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and make sure to leave me a comment telling me what you thought, what you like to see in the future. Until next time xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> casey and severide finally confront some of their issues

The rest of Casey’s weekend off had been quiet after his blowup with his mother, and he’d spent much of the following day thinking about exactly what his mother had told him.  Casey had never been under the same delusions as his sister, had never thought that his father was a saint, but he had to admit his mind hadn’t exactly been a happy place after finding out that the thing that had finally pushed his mother over the edge, had been him.

What was worse was he hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Severide about it all.  Partly because they hadn’t seen each other, but also because Severide had enough to deal with, what with Renee and everything, that he didn’t feel much like dumping his own drama onto his boyfriend’s plate.

Thinking about all this, Casey grabbed his keys and his bag, and headed for the door, taking the coffee thermos Nancy offered him on his way past.

“Thanks, mum.”

“Matt-” she began.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Casey said, gently but firmly.  “We can talk then.”

Nancy nodded reluctantly, before catching sight of something through the front window.  “Oh! Oh jeez!” She grimaced, gathered up her own coffee cup, and hurried towards the kitchen doorway.

Casey meanwhile, looked out the window, catching sight of his mother’s parole officer, and the apparent reason she was rushing to hide.

“Mum, why are you hiding from your parole officer?”

Nancy grimaced again and let out a sharp exhale.  “I went out last night,” she said, voice tinged with a half-hearted apology.  “If she tests me, I won’t pass. Just please get rid of her.”

And rest assured that her son would lie for her, Nancy snuck into the kitchen, just as a knock sounded at the door.  Casey gritted his teeth, and headed for the front door.

“Ms. Kendrick,” Casey said in greeting.

“Hi, Matt.  I’m here to check in on Nancy.”

“Yeah, you  _ just  _ missed her, she’s out for a walk.”  Casey hated the lie, but forced his face to remain neutral.

Kendrick shrugged.  “I can wait.”

Casey froze for a split second, before purposefully glancing at his watch.  “My shift is about to start,” he said apologetically, this time actually telling the truth.

Kendrick smiled wryly, not looking like she fully believed him.  “Fine. I’ll try again later.”

“Thank you,” Casey said, and followed her down the walk before splitting off to climb into his truck.  He waited until he saw her drive off before, cursing and casting one last dark glance back at his place, he pulled away from the curb as well.

 

Severide seemed to pick up on Casey’s bad mood the second he walked into the station fifteen minutes later, standing from the Squad table to accompany him inside.  He touched Casey’s hand briefly, the most they’d allow themselves in public at work as they both headed for the locker room.

“Hey, what’s up?  You seem stressed?”

“My mother.”

Severide found himself unsurprised, Nancy seemed to be the cause of all Casey’s stress these days.  “What’d she do this time?”

“Just her usual shit.”

Severide frowned at the vague answer, but was distracted from probing further by Shay, who scampered in behind them and hurried towards one of the meeting rooms.

“Where are you off to so fast?” he called after her.

“Lawyer,” she tossed over her shoulder.

No doubt to deal with the Daniel of it all.  Severide wanted to hit something just thinking about it.

Casey seemed to be thinking the same way because he said, “Jesus, has everyone gone crazy?”

“Speaking off, any new developments about the Cruz thing?”

Casey shook his head.  “Renee?”

“Haven’t heard anything.  I’ll check in with Whaley later.”

The pair sighed, both troubled by the weight of their problems, and stepped into the locker room so Casey could get changed out.  Which was lucky because it wasn’t much later that the alarms were going off for the first time that shift, pulling the truck and engine companies out into the cold Chicago streets.

“ _ All companies be advised we have a lightweight truss construction heavy structure fire.” _

Boden’s voice came through the radio just as they pulled up at the scene, a multi storied apartment building that was alight with fire.  Their eyes were instantly pulled to a window on the third floor where smoke was positively spilling out and a dark figure was visible, waving desperately for help.

They jumped from their trucks and assembled around Boden who was leading the charge.

“All companies, third-floor rescue.  Casey, get me two ladders.”

“On it.”  

Casey gestured sharply to his company, and they scrambled into action, Mouch, Otis, and Mills yanking the first ladder from the side of the truck.  He grabbed the end and helped them get it set up against the building before hurrying back for the second. Once they were in position, he turned to his men.

“Keep it flowing.  Herrmann on that ladder, I’ll take this one.  The rest of you, standby to assist with the victims.”

Once he received their confirming nod he stepped onto the ladder with Herrmann at his side.  Together they began to climb, taking ahold of the first victim when they reached the top. It was a young girl, her parents standing anxiously by as they slowly guided her out.  While Herrmann got to work helping the mother, Casey helped the little girl start to climb down, until he felt Mills reach them from below and he could pass her off. Then he returned for the father.

All in all it wasn’t too painless a rescue.  The other two floors had been clear when they’d arrived, with only the family on the third being trapped when the fire reached the stairs.  It shouldn’t have been too much more difficult than that.

Then of course the little girl had to ask about her dog.

“What about Hudson?  You have to get him.”

Casey grimaced; none of them liked losing the beloved family pet, and always tried to pick it up on their way if they had time, but it was strictly against protocol to go back into a fire for an animal.  

Which was why a bad feeling grew when Cruz paused on the ladder, evidently hearing the little girl’s cry.  He’d climbed up to help Casey with the father, and hadn’t yet returned to the ground. The entire company watched with bated breath as Cruz glanced over his shoulder at the girl, before peering back into the depths of the smoke filled apartment.

“Stay put, Cruz,” Mouch muttered.

“Wait!” they heard Cruz called.  “I can hear him.”

Then he was climbing through the window and into the building.

“Cruz!” Boden barked.  “Get out of there!”

Herrmann and Casey ran for the ladders and started to climb quickly.  Every second it took for them to reach the top was another that Casey was envisioning horrible images of Cruz down, trapped underneath a part of collapsed roof, or with flames licking at his skin.  He climbed faster, boots slipping on the rungs. They paused at the top, Boden’s voice crackling from the radio and ordering them not to enter the building unless Cruz was in danger.

Something came running towards them but it wasn’t Cruz, instead was a little, white dog, clearing terrified.  Herrmann scooped him up and headed back to the ground, leaving Casey to breathe a sigh of relief as Cruz came back into view.  That relief turned to horror a moment later when the roof gave way and fell atop an unsuspecting Cruz.

“Man down,” Casey yelled into the radio and clambered through the window.

“I’m going,” he heard Mouch say a second later.

“Cruz!  Call out!” Casey yelled desperately, having lost sight of him amongst the crackling flames and roof debris.  A moment later Cruz’s PASS alarm started to go off, the high pitched scream of the device leading him to where Cruz lay prone on the ground.  Mouch joined him and together they shook Cruz until his eyes blinked open, staring around in confusion.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I think so.”

“Let’s move.”

The three of them headed back for the windows, Casey mostly supporting Cruz because he still looked a little out of it.  Unfortunately they were just ahead of Mouch so they didn’t see when the floor started to give way and he had to jump back further into the apartment to avoid falling through the floor.  They did hear his yell of surprise and noticed the big fireball that took out a big chunk of the floor, spinning around.

“Mouch!” they yelled in tandem.

“I’m okay!”

“This way!” Casey called, gesturing him close to the wall where a narrow strip of floor remained.  Mouch skirted around the fiery hole eating up the apartment floor and the second he was in range Casey and Cruz grabbed a hold of him.  They moving back to the ladders, really hurrying now as the flames steadily grew and grew, wasting no time in scrambling out the window and back to solid ground.

They all noticed how winded Mouch looked when he pulled off his mask, and Dawson came hurrying over to check on him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” he croaked, the rescue and the close call seeming to have taken it out of him.

“Are you sure, man?” Cruz asked, peering at him in concern.  The fall that dazed him seemed to have passed and his focus was on Mouch.  “Let them check you out.”

“I said I’m fine,” Mouch snapped and pushed past him, heading for Otis and Herrmann by the truck who were waiting with a bottle of water.

“How about you Casey?” Dawson asked.

“I’m good,” Casey said, too busy frowning at Cruz to pick up much of her concern.  He wasn’t feeling the best but at least they’d had their masks on, or else he was sure they’d all be going to Lakeshore for smoke inhalation.

Shay was looking at Cruz’s wrist where his skin had been blistered by the fire.  “It’s a second degree.”

“Take him to the hospital,” Boden said appearing out of nowhere, his tone brooking no arguments.

Still Cruz tried.  “It’s really nothing, Chief.”

“Take him to the hospital.”

Casey moved off towards the truck, not looking forward to the overhaul they’d have to do before they left, and took a minute just to sit on the bumper and regain his breath.  None of the company were talking, either too pissed at Cruz, or too shocked by the close call to chatter.

It was a relief to get back to the station; Casey personally looking forward to a hot shower and then a nap, hopefully with no calls interrupting it.  He stalked past Severide at the squad table where he was playing tug-a-war with Pouch.

“What happened to you?” Severide asked with a smirk, taking in his boyfriend’s sooty face.

“Don’t ask,” Casey gritted out and disappeared inside.

Severide felt his smile fall away.  He hadn’t thought it’d be anything particularly serious but maybe something had gone down on the call.

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Shut it, Hadley,” Severide barked and the redhead's mouth obligingly snapped shut.

Severide tolerated zero stupid comments and jokes from his squad about his relationship with Casey.  He knew the blonde ran a much looser ship with his company, but the truck guys also had some degree of self control.  His company was different, and he knew Hadley in particular would never shut up if he let him get away with it even once.  

Severide shot Hadley a warning glare before leaving the table.  He wouldn’t go find Casey, not yet at least, knowing to give the blonde some time to mull about whatever had gone down on the call.  People often mistook Casey for the calm one and Severide as the temperamental one, but he knew from personal experience how Casey could blow up given the right situation.

Instead he went to find Whaley who was just pulling his boots on after getting changed out.  Might as well try to deal with one of his problems.

“Hey man, any new updates on Renee?”

Whaley sighed and straightened.  “She’s okay, physically at least.  They’re keeping her on a 72-hour psych hold.”

“How was she?”

Severide didn’t know it was possible but Whaley’s expression darkened.  “She wouldn’t see me.” He paused, and shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”

That made two of them.

 

Casey was feeling much better after leaving the showers, so while he wouldn’t say that talking to Dawson was the last thing he wanted to do, but it wasn’t top of his list either.  The very top would be crawling into bed for a couple hours, but he’d take a cup of coffee as as a substitute. But she had that determined look in her eye that told him he wasn’t getting much choice in the matter.

“When exactly are you going to stop freezing me out?”

Casey rolled his eyes, wondering if they were still in high school or something, and opened his locker.  “I’m not freezing you out.”

“Really?  So why haven’t you said two words to me?”

“Because I’m trying to process the fact that someone I considered a friend went for help from someone who threatened me and my fiancee.”

“I told you I had no choice,” Dawson exclaimed.

“And I told you I thought that was bull shit.”

Casey’s phone pinged, and he glanced down to find a text from Cruz lighting up the screen.

“I’ve gotta go talk to Boden,” he continued before Dawson could answer.

He wandered through the halls of the house looking for Boden before finally finding him in the common room helping himself to a cup of coffee.

“Cruz is still in the E.R.  He’s telling the doctors that he wants to come back and finish his shift.”

Boden took a sip of coffee looking thoughtful.  “Did you happen to notice if Cruz’s turnout gear had a cape sewn into it?”

Casey grimaced.  “No Chief. It definitely does not.”

“Then I would appreciate if you did your best to dissuade the man of the notion that he is invincible.”

“Right.”

Boden strode off without another word, not exactly leaving Casey with an answer about Cruz.  Severide caught his eye across the common room and gestured to the apparatus floor with a nod of his head.  They each fixed themselves a cup of coffee and headed outside, where they perched on the bumper of one of the trucks and looked out at the street.

“Boden didn’t look happy.  Something happen on that call?”

“Just Cruz acting like he’s invincible.  I don’t know what’s up with him lately.”

“You think it could be about, you know.”

Casey frowned at the street.  Instead of answering straight away he watched a few kids across the road playing, kicking a ball between them.  He was suddenly homesick for another time, when things were simpler, when Darden was still alive, when he didn’t know that he’d inadvertently caused his father’s death, when it felt like he and Severide weren’t getting hit on all sides. 

“I don’t know,” he said finally.  “Maybe.”

“Matt,” Severide said suddenly, his tone making Casey glance over.  “Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself today.”

“Yeah, just something my mum said.”

“What?  Come on, you know better than to listen to her.”

“She-”

“Hey, are you guys busy?  I really need to talk to you about something.”

Severide really wanted to kick Shay for interrupting when it looked like Casey was finally going to spit out whatever was troubling him.

“Have I thanked you lately for opening your mouth about Renee?” Severide said irritably, conveniently forgetting that Casey had also advocated for talking to her.  “Because she’s currently in a psych ward because of me.”

“It’s not like it’s fun for her either,” Shay retorted petulantly, and kicked Severide’s shin.  Who immediately kicked her back.

“Children,” Casey muttered into his coffee, lightning the mood and making them both grin.

The grin slid from her face a moment later, and she shifted in uncharacteristic nervousness.  Casey and Severide exchanged glances, and straightened, both wordlessly bracing themselves for something else to go wrong.

“So, I uh-”

The abrupt blare of the alarms cut her off and Shay sighed when the voice of the dispatch officer ordered Ambulance 61 off to the scene of an accident.

“Guess I’ll talk to you later,” she said grimly, and hurried off to her rig.

As they were watching the ambulance pull out of the station and onto the street, Casey fished his phone out of his pocket and shot a message off to his sister.  They hadn’t seen each other since their mother’s parole hearing, though they had texted a few times, but that was about to change; they  _ needed  _ to talk about Nancy.

Casey tucked the phone away, and knocked his boot against Severide.  “I better go get this paperwork done. Catch you later?”

“Sure,” Severide said quietly, watching him go, mind still torn between Renee and whatever was still obviously bugging his boyfriend.

Casey wove through the house towards his quarters, where a pile of paperwork on their latest call was no doubt sitting waiting for him to fill it out.  He got sidetracked however when he reached the sleeping quarters and found, despite all the overhead lights being turned off, Mouch lying on his bed.

“Hey Mouch,” Casey said, coming to a stop at the bottom of his bed.  “You okay?”

Mouch didn’t move an inch from his sprawl, still staring up at the ceiling, hands tucked beneath his head, but when he spoke his voice was cold.  “I came to you a while back, about Cruz, how there’s something off about him, and you told me to shut up.”

“In so many words, I guess.”

“So are you still in charge of our truck, or do I have to go over you and talk to Boden?”  Mouch’s voice was perfectly pleasant, if a little cool, but the threat was clear.

Casey blinked, unsure how to respond.  He’d never had a problem like this with his company before, and wasn’t sure of the protocol.  “I’ll take care of it,” he managed eventually, and escaped to his private quarters.

The Cruz situation haunted him for the next few hours while he struggled through the paperwork.  He knew Cruz was a good man, and a damn good fireman, and Casey hated to think he’d lose his career for trying to save his brother, but he couldn’t just sit back anymore and risk their whole company anymore.  They all had people they wanted to go home to, and increasingly it looked like that wouldn’t happen if Cruz remained on Truck 81. But Casey also had to consider the implications if he went to Boden with this; if the department found out he had known about this for months he might as well kiss his Lieutenant-ship away, and maybe his entire career at the CFD.

Eventually Casey couldn’t run through it anymore in his mind.  He’d made it through his paperwork, barely, so he went to rejoin the others in the common room.  He found Severide at the table and dropped into the seat beside him.

“Mills wants to move to Squad,” Severide said as way of greeting.

And the hits just kept coming, Casey thought with a groan and swiped a hand over his tired eyes.

“He wanted to know what classes to take at the Academy,” Severide continued when he didn’t respond.

“What did you say?”

“To let me finish my cornflakes first,” Severide said as if it were obvious, and shoved another spoonful into his mouth.

Casey blinked and noticed for the first time the bowl Severide had in front of him.

“It’s like 6:30,” Casey said with an eye roll.  “We’re probably about to have dinner.”

Severide snorted.  “Try 9 and we already ate.  I saved you a plate, it’s in the microwave.”

A wave of affection for the man distracted Casey from being astonished at the time, and he touched his shoulder lightly as he got up to retrieve it.  “This is why I love you.”

“I know.”

 

It was heading on for 10 p.m when Shay and Dawson finally staggered back through the front doors, accompanied by Boden who was looking serious.  They’d been gone for most of the afternoon and evening, so they had the entire room’s attention. Shay, looking unusually tired, nodded at something Boden said and headed off, while Dawson, wearing a frown, walked into the common room.

“What’s wrong with Shay?” Severide wanted to know.

Dawson sniffed.  “Needle stick.”

A collective groan travelled around the room, and Casey and Severide vaulted to their feet simultaneously, following the way Shay had gone to check on their friend.  They found her sitting in the locker room, looking like she was trying very hard not to cry, and they immediately swept her into a tight hug.

“Was he sick?” Casey asked carefully, once they’d let her go and she was looking a little better.

“He was yellow, with track marks all over.  And besides he wouldn’t consent to a blood panel.”  She paused. “Even if it’s just Hep-C, you know, 80% of infections are chronic, and I’d be on disability for months, and if Daniel’s lawyers find out-”

Both men could see her working herself up about it all, so Severide quickly broke in.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself.  Wait for the tests to come back.”

“And whatever happens, Shay,” Casey put in.  “We’ll help you through it.”

Shay managed a watery smile.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”  She stopped again, smile fading. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to you guys before but… The lawyer said that living with Kelly wasn’t normal enough.  Apparently a switch-hitter, a lesbian, and a former skirt and ass-chasing fireman all in one apartment isn’t normal enough for a baby.” She blinked and more tears appeared.  “So, I have to move out. I’m so sorry.”

Severide grabbed one of her hands, and while she used the other to wipe her tears, he exchanged looks with Casey.  It wasn’t what they’d expected, but they weren’t going to blame her or be mad about it.

Severide spoke, summing up both their opinions on it, “You do whatever it takes to keep you, Clarice, and that baby together.”

Shay sniffled, and scrubbed her tears away.  “I know I just said it, but I really don’t know what I’d do without you guys.  You always have it together.”

Severide snorted, and Casey said laughing, “I don’t know about that.”

Shay smiled, and leaned over to kiss them both on the cheek, before excusing herself so she could lie down.   They let her go, seeing how tired the events of the day had made her. Once she was gone, Severide’s smile dimmed, and he looked over at Casey.

“What are we going to do?”

Casey honestly had no idea either, but before he had to come up with an idea, Mouch was poking his head around the corner.  “Cruz is back,” he said shortly. “In case you’re interested.”

Casey cast a look at Severide and felt torn.  He knew that despite what Severide had said and his brave face, Shay moving out had been a blow but at the same time the Cruz situation was looming.  

Severide read his mind with a quirk of a lip.  “Go. We’ll talk later.”

Casey threw him a grateful smile, and hurried out to the common room, where he found Cruz sitting alone at the table, being ignored by the rest of the company who were watching television.

“Cruz,” he barked, making them all jump, and nodded at the doors.  Cruz took the hint and the pair headed outside, ignoring the stares from the others.  The apparatus floor was dark and deserted, but Casey still lead him down between two of the massive rigs to give them as much privacy as possible.

“I screwed up, Lieutenant,” Cruz burst out before Casey could start.  “It won’t happen again, believe me.”

“We’ve been there already,” Casey spat.  He was pacing, the thought of what he had to do upsetting him enough that he couldn’t stand still.  “You told me you could live with your sins, but that turned out to be a lie.”

“Lieutenant, you got to believe-”

“This is not a conversation, Cruz!” Casey yelled.  Even with the trucks shielding their voices, the words still bounced around the cavernous room, and Casey winced.  Hastily, he continued in a hushed voice, “If you’ve come to hate yourself, if you’ve decided that you don’t deserve to live, that’s your problem.”  The words were harsh, but Casey was unable to gentle himself, not with memories of Darden’s funeral playing over and over in his head. “Do you want to stand at the ceremony where we pin Mouch’s badge next to Darden’s because he burned to death trying to save someone who’s already dead inside?”

Casey paused to let his words sink in, and Cruz’s eyes flicked to the floor, head dipping in shame.

“If your badge isn’t on Boden’s desk by next shift, I’ll go to the police about Flaco myself.  It’ll mean the end of my career too. But hey, I’ll pound nails for a living. What I can’t do is stand by and watch you endanger one more of my men.”

Neither of them had much to say after that.  Casey had thrown down the ultimatum, and Cruz looked like he was still trying to process it.  Leaving him to it, Casey stalked back to Severide’s quarters where he could see the other man hunched over his desk, and let himself in, throwing himself down on his bed.

“How did it go?” Severide asked.  He sounded distracted, like he was half concentrating on whatever he was working on, and half listening to Casey.

“I might be out of a job soon,” Casey said dully into the pillow.

There was a beat of silence, then a squeak from the chair as Severide spun around, then a crash when he kicked the door shut.  Casey had certainly managed to get all of his attention.

“What the hell happened?”

Casey rolled over a little but avoided Severide’s gaze.  “I told him if he didn’t turn in his badge, I’d go to the cops myself.  And if that happens I’ll be lucky not to be arrested, let alone keep my job.”

“Fuck.”  Severide dragged a hand over his face.  “How did we get here? Just yesterday, you had your job, and I still had my roommate, now we’re both out on our asses.”

Casey let out a humourless chuckle that sounded more tired than anything.  “I almost forgot, what about your apartment? No chance you can keep it, just you?”

Severide was already shaking his head.  “The rent’s way too much for just me, it was even tight with just me and Shay after you moved out.”

“You wouldn’t get another roommate?”

Severide scrunched up his nose and shook his head.  “Don’t want to have to break in another new roommate.  I’ve only just gotten Shay house trained.”

Casey snorted and shook his head fondly.

“So I’ll probably just look for a smaller place.”

“Or…” Casey began, before rolling back over and hiding his face in the pillow.

Severide looked at him curiously, not that Casey could see.  “Or?”

“Or you could move in with me.”

Severide’s hand, warm and familiar found Casey’s ankle.  “You think we’re ready for something like that?”

“We’ve done it before.”  Casey peeked shyly over his shoulder at Severide to gauge his reaction.

“Yeah, but that was with another roommate.  First Andy, then that rando, then Shay. But moving into a house, with a little picket fence, that’s something else.  That’s ‘I’m actually an adult’ level.” Severide’s tone was light and teasing, but with an undercurrent of honesty beneath.

“Well, don’t forget my mum’s still living there,” Casey joked.  “So it wouldn’t be too adult.”

They grinned at each, letting the subject die naturally.  The suggestion was out there but it didn’t need an answer right then and there.  Casey’s mood shifted however, the mention of his mother reminding him what his mother had revealed a few days before, and his smile slipped as he gazed moodily at the floor.  Severide picking up in the change shifted closer fractionally.

“So, my mum told me something interesting the other night,” Casey said, voice unnaturally calm.

Severide didn’t respond.

“Apparently she killed my dad because of me.”

Severide sucked in a shocked gasp, and Casey heard him get up from his chair.  There was the quiet whoosh as he let down the shutters, before the bed dipped and Severide was curling around his back.

“She actually said that?” Severide asked quietly, breath a soft puff on the back of Casey’s neck.

“Yeah, apparently he said something about me, I don’t know what, and she just couldn’t handle it anymore.  You know, I never thought my dad was a saint, but knowing he said something about me that was so awful that my mum killed him just so she never had to hear it again-”

Casey broke off and sniffed, before dashing angrily at the tears trickling down his cheek.

“He always hated it when I cried, not that I did it often, but on the rare occasion I did, it was always the same.”  Through his tears, Casey put on a gruff voice. “‘Real men don’t cry, Matthew. Buck up, for God’s sake, be a real man’.  I didn’t even cry when I heard he was dead, because for once I wanted him to be proud of me, be the son he wanted.”

His voice broke at the end, and his body began to shake as he began to sob in earnest.  When he reached away to rub away the tears, Severide caught hold of his hand and twined their fingers together.  Inside he was furious, he wanted to find Gregory Casey, wherever the afterlife had taken him and hit him until he regretted ever making his son feel like that.  He wanted to yell, and scream, and rant about what a bastard the man was, about what a great man Matt was despite his upbringing, but he wouldn’t because out of everything Casey needed to hear, that wasn’t it.

Severide found it hard to believe, but somehow Casey’s relationship with his mother was actually healthier than what his relationship with his father had been.  Because while his mother could be a straight up bitch, at least what she’d done had been out of a misguided attempt to keep him safe, and at least she was still here, still trying to make things right.  Casey’s relationship with his father however had been trapped in the same place since the man had died when Casey was fifteen. It was a mess of resentment of the abuse and alcoholism, idolisation that seemed present in every father/son relationship, guilt over inadvertently causing his death, and a dozen other emotions.

But that wasn’t tonights problem.  Casey would most likely still be untangling his feelings about his parents for years to come.  No, tonight, Casey needed to grieve. Away from the resentment and the guilt, Casey needed to be allowed the one thing he never had, to grieve his father’s death.

Casey was still trying to hold back the sobs when Severide spoke.  “You know, my mum always said it was good to cry.” Casey was breathing harshly, but he was listening, so, thumb stroking over Casey’s hand, Severide continued.  “She said you couldn’t deal with something until you’d had a good cry about it first. She said it was like you were letting it out of yourself and releasing it into the universe.  You’ve been holding this inside you for fifteen years, Matt. It’s time to release it into the universe.”

Casey turned suddenly on the bed to face Severide and buried his face into his shoulder as the tears finally came, thick and fast.  And Severide held him throughout it all, and then through the night, rubbing his back soothingly, and thanking every minute that they got to lie together without a call forcing them apart.

* * *

The next day Casey looked better, a little pale and eyes a little swollen, but better, happier.  Even so it was a relief when they managed to walk out of the station without another call coming through.

“I need to do something today,” Severide said, sounding unsure as they headed to their cars.  “Are you going to be alright if I disappear for a few hours?”

Casey smiled tired.  “Let me guess, Renee?”

“I thought I was over it.  I really did. But I still need to close the book on this.”

Casey pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.  “Go. Do what you need to do.”

Severide smiled at him, overwhelmed in that moment by his love for the other man, before hurrying off to his car.  The address for the hospital was written on a piece of paper in his pocket and he knew if he hurried he could make the morning visiting hours.  He was pleasantly surprised when they let him in to visit her even though he wasn’t family.

The room they lead Severide to for visitation had to be one of the most depressing he’d ever been in.  The tiled walls were a horrible dark beige colour, and other than a hard, blue couch he was seated on, the room was uncomfortably bare.

All thoughts of that evaporated however when Renee appeared on the other side of the glass doors and was let into the room.  Somehow, how she looked then was even worse than in the club. Renee had always been the most put together woman Severide had met; even when she was just lazing around home she’d always had perfect makeup, an artfully messy bun, and lounge clothes that managed to be both cute and comfortable at the same time, a far cry to how she looked here.  Instead of perfect makeup, she looked pale with dark circles under her eyes, perfectly messy hair had been replaced with actual messy hair, and her cardigan and tights ensemble just highlighted how thin she’d become.

Renee, who had rolled her eyes when she’d seen who her visitor was, misunderstood his staring and bit out, “What?  You expected a straightjacket?” When Severide didn’t respond except to stand to greet her she continued, “Why are you here exactly?”

“Because your brother asked me to come.”

“Poor Eric,” she crooned, an insincere sneer on her face.  “He thinks he’s finally cracked the puzzle that is Renee. All this nonsense about me sleeping with Dean,” she said with an eye roll like it was simply preposterous.  But Severide saw the way she looked away, unable to hold his gaze, and knew that she couldn’t convince herself of the lie.

“I’m not here to argue about that,” Severide said calmly, even as Renee worked herself up, pacing around the small room, stopping to tug at the locked door.  The nurse who had followed her in didn’t react.

Something about his words riled her up even further and she whipped around fixing him with a familiar, steely glare.  “Oh, right, because as my life turned to ashes, you just coasted on and forgot all about me.”

“You don’t know anything about my life.”

“I know that Kelly Severide is doing just fine,” she scoffed, and Severide wanted to scoff right back at her, thinking about the hell his life had been for the last six months.  And he was just about to tell her that, about losing his best friend, boyfriend, and health all in the matter of a day, and how hard it had been for him to claw it all back, but she wasn’t interested turning back to the door.

“Take me back,” she snapped, at the nurse.  “Open the door!” she yelled when he didn’t move fast enough.

“Renee,” Severide tried, but she was already gone.

 

While Severide was busy with Renee, Casey decided to deal with the mum situation head on and invited Christie and Nancy both out to lunch.  He and Christie got there first and Casey wasted no time, running Christie through exactly how it would all go down if Nancy were to live part time with her like he was hoping.

“Each week my shift moves up a day.  Tuesday and Friday this week, Monday, Thursday, Sunday next week, and so on.  I’ve drawn up a list of house rules that Mum would have to agree to and follow, curfews, when she can have visitors, whatever you want.”

Casey could tell as he was going through it just by the expression on his sister’s face that she was going to refuse.  And she didn’t disappoint.

“Matt, no.”

“Christie,” he said pleadingly.  “I need you. At least to keep an eye on her while I’m on shift.”

“She’s a grown adult, Matt.  She shouldn’t need her kids to keep an eye on her.”

Before Casey could argue, the bell of the cafe tinkled, and they both looked around to see their mother stepping inside.  They both stood to greet her, albeit a bit reluctantly on Christie’s part, and they shared an awkward hug.

“Hi, Mum.”

“Christie,” Nancy sighed, gazing at her daughter  “You look wonderful.”

Christie smiled tightly, and retook her seat while Casey helped Nancy out of her coat.  “Wow, do you guys realise this is the first time we’ve all been together as a family in like, 15 years?” Nancy said, as she settled into her seat.

Casey tried not to flinch too obviously, and  steadfastly ignored Christie’s gaze which was boring into the side of his face.  It hadn’t been the most tactful thing to say but Casey didn’t want to start an all out argument at their first family outing.

“I guess the real purpose of this meeting is to discuss the Mum problem,” Nancy continued, obviously trying to sound upbeat about it all.

But apparently that was enough for Christie to give in because she rubbed her head tiredly and conceded, “Okay, fine.  I’ll talk to Jim.”

“Okay.  Let’s eat then,” he said, and picking up his menu, resigned himself to spending the entire meal enduring small talk.  “The chicken sandwich is great, by the way.”

“I’m a vegan,” Christie replied, and Casey blinked in shock.

“Since when?”

“Going on five years, Matt,” Christie said with a slight chuckle.

Casey shook his head, wondering if it was possible that it had been that long since they’d shared a meal together.

I did not know that,” he said slowly, trying to ignore his mother’s gaze on him as he tried to wrap his head around it.  “That’s like a vegetarian, isn’t it? But with eggs?”

Christie laughed again and began to explain, the awkwardness between them melting away a bit.

* * *

Renee Whaley was still on Severide’s mind when he went in for his next shift at the station.  He’d told Casey he wanted to shut the book on the whole thing and it was the truth; unfortunately his last encounter with her had left it feeling more open than ever.

He was sitting in his quarters when Eric came walking past and poked his head in.

“Hey,” Severide said.  “Did you get my message?”

“Yeah.  What did she say?”

Severide thought of the insults she’d slung at him and shook his head.  “Nothing that matters. She’s angry,” he explained, when Whaley shot him a curious look.

“At me?”

“At  _ me.   _ At everything and everyone.  I’m sorry but all this was against my better judgement, and now she’s spinning out.”

The book could stay open as far as Severide was concerned.  He’d done all this under protest and it had been nothing but a shit show from the beginning.

“I get it,” Whaley said with a sigh.  “Thanks anyway, Kelly.” He went to leave but paused.  “This is my last shift at 51. I’m glad we got the chance to work together.”

Kelly nodded, and tried to smile, but with the weight of everything he was worried it came out more as a grimace.

 

Cruz never showed up for shift leaving them one man down when they got called out for a bomb squad assist.  The rest of the company were naturally curious, but Casey shot them down whenever they tried to pry. He didn’t know if this was Cruz’ answer to his ultimatum, but the man had until the end of shift, and Casey wasn’t going to act until then.  

Once they got to the scene, Casey put an end to all the questions, subtle and blatant, with a snapped order to shut up and pay attention.  After that it was just a lot of waiting around, as the CPD shuffled in and out of the place.

“So what exactly is our in a bomb squad assist?” Mills wanted to know as he squinted at the building.

Herrmann shrugged.  “Nothing. Unless the bomb tech snips the wrong wire.”

And that about summed it up, so leaving them to it, Casey headed over to where Boden, Whaley, and Severide were gathered.

“What’s the story, Chief?”

“A tenant committed suicide in his car around back, shot himself in the head.  But the police are suspicious because the deceased was turned down four times by the C.P.D., and there’s a gasoline smell coming from his apartment.”

A man emerged from the C.P.D.’s command van which was parked nearby and headed over.  “Our mast camera confirmed it, the place is wired.”

The tech from the bomb squad joined them.  “We should cut our way in.”

They all looked to Severide to confirm the logistics of it.  “We have access to the apartment above?”

They did, so Severide, Capp, and Hadley with the bomb squad tech headed up to get started.  Because it was a bomb threat only those who were necessary were allowed into the building. The apartment above was of course deserted because the entire block had been evacuated, but it only took the work of a moment to crack it open.  

They moved into the centre of the apartment, the living room, and kicked aside the floor rug to get a look at the floor.  From there Capp and Hadley shoved aside the furniture while Severide got to work cutting through the saw. There were quite a few layers to it, but none of them were particularly thick so a couple of minutes with the saw, and few taps with their halligans, and there was a decent hole in the floor for the tech to slip through.

“That’ll do it.”

“Great, we’ll get out of your way,” Severide said briskly, not interested in staying in the building longer than was necessary.

“Whoa,” the tech said mildly when he looked through to the apartment below, halting the trio in their tracks.  “There’s a woman down there.”

Severide hurried back over, and sure enough when he got down on his stomach he could just see a woman unconscious on the ground.  They relayed the information back outside and waited for their orders.

“ _ Apparently it’s the ex-wife,”  _ Boden relayed back a few minutes later.  “ _ C.P.D. wants the tech to go in and make sure it’s secure, then for you to go in and bring her out.” _

“Copy that.”

_ “Severide, you sure you want to do this?” _

Severide shrugged even though Boden couldn’t see him.  He didn’t necessarily  _ want  _ to do it, but someone had to.  And he wasn’t going to send his men anywhere that he wasn’t willing to go himself.  “Might as well while I’m in the neighbourhood. Gonna need a jump bag, though.”

Part of him desperately wanted to add ‘ _ don’t send Casey though’,  _ but that wasn’t fair, and the restraint he showed was the reason he and Casey were still allowed to work together despite their relationship.

Still that didn’t mean he wasn’t relieved when it was Whaley who appeared with the ambo’s red jump bag to assist.  By the time he got there, they already had the winch set up and were lowering the tech into the apartment.

“Carpet’s wet,” he commented, when he touched down.  “Gasoline.” He unclipped the rope and went over to check on the woman while they started lowering Severide in next.  As soon as he was down he was by the woman’s side and checking her over, which was when he found the knife sticking out of her.

“Dawson, Shay, she’s got a steak knife stuck in her abdomen.”

“ _ Pulse?” _

Severide was already checking for it, and wasn’t happy by what he found.  “Weak.” He looked up from the woman and caught sight of the front door. “Hey, can you get us out that door?”

The tech headed over to it, checking out the wire that was stretched across it.

“There’s quick, and there’s safe,” he said vaguely.  “Which do you want?”

“Well, I want to save this woman’s life.”

The tech didn’t seem to be listening as he glanced around before focussing on something poking out from under the tv unit.  “Huh?” he said softly.

Severide felt his own pulse jump at that.  “‘Huh’? What ‘huh’?”

The tech walked over to it carefully, talking quietly, mostly to himself.  “A small incendiary device set to spark the gasoline. This’ll take a few minutes to disarm.”

“She doesn’t have a few minutes,” Severide snapped, having felt the women’s pulse get steadily weaker as they’d talked.

Meanwhile, Whaley had been lowered into the room and was heading over with the jump bag.

“I got two more wires splitting here,” the tech continued as if Severide hadn’t spoken.  “It’s wired here too, heading…” He followed the wires around the edge of the room until the disappeared beneath a blanket, which he carefully pulled off.  “Here we go.”

Severide caught sight of a couple barrels and felt his stomach drop; beside him Whaley swore softly.

“I got at least 5 pounds of mixed ammonium nitrate.  That plus the gasoline is a fertiliser bomb.”

Without taking his eyes off the bomb Severide reached up for his radio.  “Chief, is everyone back?”  _ ‘Is Casey back?” _

“ _ You just get yourself down here, Kelly.” _

A moment later, Dawson’s voice crackled through.  “ _ How’s she doing, Severide?” _

“Weaker,” he grunted, hand still on her pulse.

“ _ How much blood’s on the floor?” _

Severide checked but the pool was so small as to be non existant.  “Not that much.”

“ _ Then she’s bleeding internally, and you’ve gotta move.  Pack that knife so it doesn’t shift when you move her.” _

He and Whaley were already moving, turning the woman over, then pulling every compress the bag had out and arranging them around the knife wound.

_ “Use all the gauze and tape you’ve got to keep it secure.” _

Following instructions they taped it tightly, and Severide got a hand back on the woman’s pulse to find it even weaker.

“Hey, we need that door open now.”

The tech waved him off, and pulled a pair of pliers from his pocket.  Severide didn’t know how he knew, but he only spent a few minutes deliberating before he snipped one of the wires.  He did it so quickly Severide didn’t even have a chance to acknowledge that this could be how it all ended for him before it was over and the tech was opening the door to let them out.

“We’re good, coming out now.”

Because they hadn’t been able to get a stretcher up there, they had to carry the woman out between the four of them, but Shay and Dawson met at the door with it, and whisked her off to the ambulance as soon as they put her down.

Whaley grinned over at him as they headed out to their rigs.  “Who says Engine only knows how to put out a fire?”

Severide chuckled before heading around the back of the squad rig to put the saw away. Which was where Casey found him a moment later, striding towards him with a look of grim determination on his face.

“Hey-” Severide began but didn’t get far before Casey pushed him back against the rig and smashed their mouths together.  It wasn’t perfect, their helmets clacked together in the process, and they could have been caught by their coworkers at any moment, but that wasn’t the point. It was a ‘I thought I’d lost you’ kiss, a ‘I’m so glad you’re still here’ kiss, and Severide wouldn’t have traded that for the world.  Casey gentled a minute later, sliding a hand around Severide’s neck, and lips turning up into a smile.

Finally they broke apart, both a little short of breath, but both smiling.  “I love you too,” Severide murmured, reaching out and running his thumb along Casey’s bottom lip, smile widening when Casey nipped at it, eyes sparkling.

 

Despite the serious nature of their last call, Casey was feeling in light spirits by the time they got back to the house.  That was until he saw Cruz waiting for him by the front doors and the reality of the last few days came crashing back down on him.  They both waited until the rest of their coworkers had disappeared inside before Cruz opened his fist to show Casey the badge he was holding in his hand.  Still he held it for a long moment, methodically wiping his thumb over the glossy surface before handing it to Casey.

His heart felt heavy, but Casey took it from him even though he couldn’t bear to look at Cruz’s face as he did.  “Okay,” he said, after a long moment. “I’ll talk to Boden.” He made the mistake of glancing up at Cruz once, and the pain in his friend’s face tore at him inside, and part of him couldn’t believe that he was about to do this.  But even so, that pain was nothing like what he’d felt when he’d lost Darden, and Casey knew he had to go through with it.

Still, despite knowing what he was doing was the right thing, Casey dawdled.  He spent a few minutes tidying his locker, then took a shower even though he hadn’t actually done anything on the last call, and even went back to his quarters afterwards to get a jumpstart on his paperwork before finally he put his foot down and convinced himself that it was time.

So he picked up Cruz’s badge, shoved it into his pocket and headed for Boden’s office.  He’d just reached the open doorway, Boden glancing up from his computer, asking “What can I do for you, Casey?” when a voice stopped him.

“Lieutenant, can I have a minute?”

“Now’s not a good time, Mouch,” Casey said through gritted teeth, knowing that if he didn’t do it now he never would.

“Yes!  It is.”  

There was something in Mouch’s voice, the desperation, that stopped Casey in his tracks.  He gave Boden an apologetic look, which his Chief waved away, and followed Mouch out of the office and around the corner to a deserted corridor.

“You don’t have to do this to him.”

“There’s more to it than you know, Mouch.”

“He told me everything,” Mouch assured him.  “Now I don’t know if he was waiting for God, or Flaco’s ghost, or just somebody to say it, but he needed to know what he did was okay.”

“He screwed up.”

“And he knows it.  But he was taking care of his family.  How far would you go for the ones you love?  How far  _ have  _ you gone?” he asked purposefully, and Casey knew they were both thinking of Voight.

And Mouch was right.  Casey had punched police officers, and flushed illegal drugs, why did he deserve to get away with it, and not Cruz.  He’d screwed up, but if Mouch thought it wouldn’t happen again, then Casey owed it to him to give him another chance.

“Okay,” he murmured.  “You’re right.”

Mouch nodded, satisfied and turned to walk away, but stopped when Casey called his name.

“Mouch.  Thank you.”

He hoped it conveyed how sorry he was for shutting Mouch out every time he’d tried to help, and judging from the small smile the older man gave him, it did.  He found Cruz a few minutes later in the sleeping quarters, going through his bedside table. He turned at his Lieutenant’s approach but before he could say anything, Casey took the badge from his pocket and handed it back to him.

“Lieutenant-”

Casey shook his head, cutting him off.  “No, as far as I’m concerned this is still yours.”

Cruz nodded solemnly.  “Thank you, Lieutenant.  I won’t let you down.”

Casey found himself smiling.  “I know you won’t.”

* * *

“Mum’s just getting her things,” Casey said as way of greeting when his sister Christie pulled up outside his place the next morning.

Christie looking tired, resigned, and maybe even the tiniest bit hopeful nodded.  “Okay.”

“I really appreciate this, Christie.  I really think this will work, and help fix our family.”

Christie quirked an eyebrow, not looking as convinced.  Christie and Jim had agreed to let Nancy stay in the guest suite in their house on the days that Casey was on shift.  They were using Casey’s day off to get some of her things moved over so she wouldn’t always have to pack a bag.

“Just remember,” Christie said.  “The second your shift ends, she’s all your again.”

Casey just nodded, not daring to push his luck on the matter.  Besides, they were both distracted quickly enough when an unfamiliar pale blue buggy pulled up.

“Friend of yours?”

Casey shook his head.  “Not mine.”

Nancy appeared at the doorway and waved down at the driver of the buggy.  “That’s Cheyenne,” she explained, as the walked down the stairs.

Christie was mystified, but the name was familiar to Casey.  “Your old cellmate?”

“Yeah.”

Cheyenne got out of the car but didn’t come any closer.

“You two gave me back my freedom, but I don’t want to be your problem anymore.  So I’m going to go stay with Cheyenne until I figure out what’s next.”

“Mum, I don’t think your P.O. is going-”

“I’ll sort things out with Kendrick.  But I’m not going to be the wedge that drives you two apart anymore.”  She looked between them, pressing her lips together. “Be a brother and sister again, okay?  Be there for each other.”

She didn’t give them much of a chance to argue, and kissed them both of the cheek before going over to put her bags in the bag of Cheyenne’s car, then she got into the car, and waved as it pulled away.  Casey and Christie waved back obediently until they’d disappeared around the corner, then turned to each other as if to say ‘ _ what now? _ ’.

“Do you want to go get some breakfast?” Casey asked.  “My boyfriend’s running errands so I’ve got no plans.”

Christie blinked, then asked, “You’ve got a  _ boyfriend?” _ in the same shocked tone that Casey had used to ask about her veganism only a few days before.  

Casey wasn’t sure what part was more surprising to her, the fact that he was with anyone at all, since Christie had never known him to be in a long term relationship at all, or that his partner was a man.  He just chuckled and nodded.

Christie ran a hand through her hair, obviously still trying to process it.  “Uh, how long?”

Again, Casey wasn’t sure if she was asking how long he’d known he was into guys, or long he’d been with Severide.  He chose to answer the latter.

“A couple months this time.”

“This time?” she burst out.

Casey laughed again.  “Yeah, it’s kind of a long story.”

Christie was quiet for a beat before a wry smile curled at her lips.  “I guess it’s a good thing we’re having breakfast then?”

Casey grinned at her and offered her his arm, then once she was clutching the crook of his elbow, lead her over the slippery ice towards his truck.

 

When Severide heard from Whaley that Renee would be getting out of the hospital later that day, Severide knew immediately what he needed to do.  Renee had apparently told Eric that she didn’t want him there when she got out, but she hadn’t said anything about Severide. Not that he thought she would be particularly pleased when he turned up there.  

And he was right.

She got maybe two steps out the front doors before noticing that he was parked out the front, leaning against the bonnet of his car, and rolling her eyes, said, “For real?”

“Come get in the car.  There’s something we need to see.”

“Go to hell,” she said, but it was without her usual venom; instead she just seemed tired as she started off down the street.  And like seeing her in the hospital, this scared him even more than when she was slinging insults at him, so he pushed off the car and followed her.  Besides, he was done letting her lie to herself.

“You’re full of it, you know that?”

Some of her spirit seemed to return to her when she spun around to glare at him.  “Oh, I am huh?” Her voice took on a mocking tone. “Is that going to get me into your car?”

“Ignore everything that’s real, go ahead.”

“Whatever,” she tossed over her shoulder and started walking again.

“Your brother was a hero today.”

That stopped her in her tracks just like Severide had intended, and sighing she spun back around.

“That is so low,” she said, but this time she sounded resigned.

Severide saw his chance and figuring that this would be closest he’d get her to actually listen to him, made his case, “Thirty minutes,” he promised.  “Then I take you anywhere you want to go.”

They were silent the entire trip.  A couple times Renee tried to say something but Severide just shook his head.  He didn’t want to have this conversation when he couldn’t be totally focussed. Eventually she just stopped trying, and sat in total silence staring at him, no doubt cataloguing all the changes from all those years apart, just like he had the first time he’d seen her.  It seemed to distract her because she didn’t realise where they were until he’d pulled to a stop.

“Okay, I get it.”

Severide ignored her.  “Come on,” he said, and stepped out of the car.  He didn’t even look back to see if she followed, and just headed for the water’s edge.  A second later he heard the other door open, though she still didn’t join him.

This had been Renee’s spot before they were dating, a quiet stretch across the Chicago river, where they could see the cityscape.  Once she’d shown it to him, it had become their spot, where they went after dates, where Severide had proposed, and he hadn’t been back since.  Quiet footsteps announced Renee’s approach.

“It’s quieter than I remember,” Severide said, almost to himself.  And it was. It had always been a private spot, but now it felt almost deathly silent.

“Please don’t,” Renee said to the ground before turning around to put her back to the water.

“You’re the one who said life never looked simpler than it did from right here.”

“Well, that was crap.  Sometimes a view is just a view.”

“Is that why you won’t look at it?”

Renee turned but not to look at the water, instead she looked at Severide.  “Why are you trying so hard? I figured you hated me.”

Severide choked on a laugh.  “Oh, I did. Believe me, I did, for a long time.  But not anymore.”

“How?”

“I don’t know,” Severide said truthfully.  “For a long time I thought it would just be easier to stew in my hatred, in my self pity, and keep letting things fall apart.  But then I found something that made me want to pick myself up, made me want to keep it from falling apart.”

“You met someone,” she said, a hint of hurt in her voice.

“Yeah.  He helped.  He really helped.  Making me happy, making me realise that you weren’t it for me.  Made me want to let go of it all the hatred this time, not just to be with him, but so I could finally be happy again, stop letting everything else fall apart.”

“I slept with Dean.”

Severide wanted to scoff at the admission, yell that he knew, that he’d always known.  But he could see in her eyes what she’d really meant, that it had been easier, all those years ago, to let them fall apart than commit to something real.

“And,” she continued, voice wavering.  “Now I see you, and I see my family. And all I can see is what I lost.”

Severide smiled sadly and nodded at the river.  “Sometimes a view is just a view.”

Renee turned slowly, and drank in the sight before her.  “Sometimes a view is just a view,” she repeated softly.

They stayed there for a long time, not really talking, just looking at the view before finally Renee told him where she wanted to go, and Severide couldn’t have been happier to take her.  They caught Eric just as he was getting in from somewhere, about to put his key in the lock of his front door, when he turned at the sound of Severide’s engine.

He blinked in shock as Renee stepped out of the car, and almost tripped down the front stairs to get to her.  The brother and sister collided painfully, wrapping each other in a tight embrace, and Severide saw tears streaming down both their faces.  He leaned out of the car enough to give Eric a wave before sensing that his presence was no longer needed, pulled back onto the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fucking shit i can't believe how long it's been since i updated this fic. it's been a literal age since i've written for this fic.
> 
> i just want to firstly apologise for how long it's been, i have no excuses other than i've been busy and been working on other things. and secondly i want to thank everyone who've stuck with me and this fic through all the unexpected hiatuses. i'd love to say i'll post more regularly from now on, but i can't promise that, so i'll settle for saying i'll try my best.
> 
> i didn't really like this chapter at first, but it shaped up to be a good one (i hope) with lots of moments that i really enjoyed writing. that final scene with Renee and Kelly, as well as Christie and Matt's last scenes were two of my favourites.
> 
> anyway i hope you like this chapter anyway, and leave a comment below to let me know what you liked, and what's been going on while i was gone xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm (enjoy it while it lasts)

When Casey and Severide had come home to find Shay reduced to a puddle of tears on the couch because things with Clarisse had gone south once again, they’d vowed to support her through all her ups and down as she tried to move on.  But what they hadn’t realised was that those up and downs would include being awoken at 2 in the morning by the sound of a vacuum cleaner.

“Kelly,” Matt mumbled in the pillow.

“Yeah?”  Severide was awake, and had been for some time, the whir of the vacuum on the floor below making it impossible to get back to sleep.

“Is that-”

“Yup.”

“Make it stop.”  This last bit was a whine and accompanied by a fierce look that promised Severide worlds of pain if he didn’t make the noise stop soon.  And knowing his boyfriend as he did, and having experienced what Casey was like when he didn’t get his full 8 hours, Severide was sure Casey wasn’t bluffing.

Severide rolled out of bed with a groan and headed downstairs.  Shay had a pair of headphones on, no doubt blasting the same emo crap she’d been playing non stop since the breakup, mouthing the words to herself as she pushed the vacuum methodically back and forth.  Rather than trying to get close to her, or trying to shout over the combined noise of the vacuum and her music, Severide just found where the plug connected to the wall and yanked it free.

Shay’s eyes slowly flicked up to meet Severide’s, and she tugged her headphones free, mouth opening in surprise.  “Did I wake you?”

Severide couldn’t keep the irritation out of her voice when he replied, “Yeah.”

“Sorry,” Shay said mulishly, letting the vacuum drop to the ground with a thump that made Severide wince and glance upwards towards the second floor.  “I just want to get the place clean.”

“And you have to do that at 2 a.m?  My Dad’s only coming for a few days, and trust me, he won’t care about the carpet.”

Shay blinked owlishly at him before a guilty expression crept across her face.  “Is that this week?”

Clearly she had forgotten, but Severide couldn’t blame her, it had been pretty full on for her lately.  Severide rubbed at his eyes, trying to awaken himself to better have this conversation. When he moved his hand away he caught sight of a pile of bags, and he glanced between them and Shay a few times.

“Oh, right, the bags,” she said, more guilt creeping into her voice.  “I just, everywhere I look, I see Clarice.”

Now that Severide looked around he could see spots where things and furniture were missing; most of it were things that Clarice had brought when she’d moved in, but some of them were Severide’s or Shay’s, but it was too late for him to argue.

Shay was still speaking, “I just want to get it out so I can move on or whatever.”

Severide acquiesced with a sigh, just wanting to get the conversation over with so he could go back upstairs and curl around his boyfriend.

“All right, listen, I’ll get it down to the dumpster when I get back up, okay?”  When he turned to head back upstairs, he caught sight of the white crib and fought off a wince.  “And I’ll get that to Goodwill.”

“No, no, no,” Shay said quickly, and Severide paused with his foot on the bottom step.  He looked around at her like she was crazy, and in that moment, Severide was pretty sure she was.

“Why?”

“I-” Shay wavered.  “I want to have a baby.”

Severide sighed.  It was way too early in the morning for this.  “Look, Shay-”

She cut across him, “Clarice ripping my heart out for a second time was, you know, devastating, but when I held Wesley in my arms for the first time, I never felt so much purpose, or so connected, to anyone, ever.  And it’s really expensive but I’ll figure it out. I’ll work extra shifts, or, you know whatever.”

Severide let out his breath slowly.  “Shay, you don’t need to be making any decisions right now.”

Shay suddenly looked on the verge of tears, proving Severide’s point.  “I’ve made the decision. I’m going to have a baby.”

The discussion dwindled after that.  Severide still wasn’t sure Shay was being completely rational but it was also 2:30 in the morning and she was still feeling vulnerable after the breakup so he wasn’t going to push it then.  Instead he said goodnight and returned to his warm bed hoping that she’d be feeling different in the morning.

 

Severide filled Casey in on everything on the way to work later that morning.  To his surprise all Casey offered up in response was a thoughtful hum.

“What?  You don’t think this is a terrible idea?”

“She’s clearly not in a rational mind at the moment and I don’t think she should just start shopping around for sperm donors, but if she moves on from Clarice, and still wants a baby?  I think she’d be really great.” The look Severide shot him clearly said he wasn’t buying it so Casey explained. “She’s a great person, warm, loving, not afraid of the tough love. She’s also not a kid anymore, is well established in her job.  Her parents don’t live in the city but they aren’t too far either, and she has a great support network of friends. All in all, pretty qualities for a mum wouldn’t you say?”

Severide tilted his head considering.  “You might be right.” Even in the brief time Wesley had been with them, Shay had proven herself to be adept at taking care of him, and she’d shown that she hadn’t just wanted to be Clarice’s partner, but also take an active mothering role in Wesley’s life.  “You might be right.”

The pair lapsed into a few minutes of silence until Casey broke it to change the subject.  “Excited to see your dad?”

It was Severide’s turn to hum thoughtfully.  “Yes and no. Things with Benny can always go either way.  But I think after everything, after our talk about my neck, we might have actually turned a corner.”

Casey reached out to grab Severide’s hand.  “That’s great, Kelly.”

Severide’s smile turned slightly sardonic.  “Of course the man spent my entire childhood abandoning and disappointing me, so I won’t get my hopes up too high.”

 

The sun was just beginning to go down and the occupants of the fire station were starting to think about dinner when Benny arrived.  Winter was still going strong, and the sky outside rapidly darkening, but Severide still managed to catch sight of Benny standing in the gloom of the apparatus floor, standing motionless beside the squad 3 rig, hand reverently tracing the emblem on the door.

“Dad?” Severide asked cautiously, the word tasting foreign on his tongue.  There was something about the look on his father’s face that was putting him on edge.  But when Benny turned to his son, his expression cleared, and the familiar jovial smile crossed his face.

“Hey, Kelly.”

The pair shared a quick hug, slapping each other on the back.  When they pulled back, Benny glanced around the cavernous apparatus floor, at all the rigs, and equipment stacked up everywhere.  This was the very house that Benny himself had served in for the majority of his career and Severide was sure his father was being inundated by all the memories and ways it had changed since he’d last been here.

“Seeing you here is, I don’t know, I’m humbled, and very proud.”

“Thanks, Pops.”

“So where’s this partner of yours?”

Severide did his best not to wince.  The topic of his sexuality had always been an awkward one with Benny, not that they’d spoken about it much.  Benny had been long gone before Severide had realised he might be attracted to guys as well as girls, and while Benny had never outright disapproved of any of his boyfriends, Severide had always gotten the feeling that his father would be much happier if he settled down with a woman.

“Casey?  Oh, he’s around here somewhere.”

“And everything’s going well?  Not getting any flack from the department?”

“Nah, it’s all good.  We just do our work like normal, don’t let our relationship affect how we do things, and they don’t have a lot to say about it.”

“Good.  Because you know I’ve still got connections there if you ever need them.”

Severide blinked.  This was the most approval or support Benny had ever shown to any of his boyfriends, and to say he was shocked would be an understatement.  He was saved having to answer by the sound of Casey’s voice over the P.A. system.

“ _ Smoke eater in the house.” _

The doors leading inside burst open and a stream of firefighters came flooding out, Casey included.  Severide watched like a hawk as Casey greeted his father, but the handshake and smile seemed pretty standard.  He put it down to Benny having known Casey since their academy days, before they got together.

“Candidate,” Casey barked at Mills, as Herrmann and Mouch shook Benny’s hand, both old enough to remember Benny personally.  “Don’t let a smoke eater hump his own bags.”

Mills took Benny’s duffel good-naturedly and offered his hand.  “Peter Mills.”

Benny grinned.  “Benny Severide.”

Mills glanced over at Severide obviously making the connection.  “Oh. Right, yeah, I got it.”

Benny chuckled before catching sight of someone over the kids shoulder.  His smile became something a bit darker and more mischievous and Severide braced himself.

“Wallace, it’s good seeing you.”

Boden stepped around Mills, his expression pleasant but guarded.  Severide knew that Boden and Benny had some sort of history, but wasn’t privileged to the extent of it.

“Here for the Academy dinner, I take it?” Boden asked, voice polite but to the point.

“Yeah, among other things,” Benny said easily.  “You going?”

“Giving the opening speech.”

Severide caught the glint in Benny’s eyes just before he opened his mouth, and knew from experience that whatever his father was going to say next wouldn’t be good.

“Ah, well you always were good at telling stories.”

The firefighters gathered shifted uneasily, the tension in the room ratcheting up a notch.  While there wasn’t anything technically wrong with Benny’s response, Boden’s tight smile in response told them all that it wasn’t exactly right either.  Severide began planning ways to extract his father from this situation.

“How long you in town for, Benny?”

“A week or so.  Hope it’s not an inconvenience my hanging out here.”

“Not at all.”

Even if it was there was, there was no way Boden would say anything.  Firefighter loyalty ran deep, and Benny was particularly loved in the department and Severide was sure it wasn’t worth the effort of kicking up a stink.

The bells saved them from the awkward conversation continuing as the truck, squad, and ambulance companies were called out.  The room burst into action pulling on gear and loading into the rigs. But Benny caught hold of Severide before he could climb in.

“Hey, that new candidate, is that Henry Mills’ kid?”

“Yeah?”  Severide waited for Benny to elaborate but his father had a far off look in his eyes as he watched the truck rig pull away.  “Come on. Ride along.”

It had started to snow by the time they pulled up at the scene, and Casey was really not looking forward to getting out of the warm truck and out into the cold.  Through the windows of the large warehouse they could see lights pulsating, bright fuschia, to electric blue, to blood red, looking like some sort of rave was going down inside.

“What happened?”

A man skidded over to Casey, seizing a hold of his shoulders.  “Dude flipped out on the DJ and threw these smoking cans.” The guy blinked rapidly as he spoke, and even through his thick gear Casey could feel him trembling, but the Lieutenant wasn’t sure if that was because of the supposed cans or if it was the drugs he’d no doubt taken earlier.  “People are trapped in there!”

“Battalion 25, give me an EMS plan one and a level one Hazmat.  Mask up,” Boden called, voice calm as ever. “It’s game time.”

“I bet it’s Orbital,” Mills said, as they all kneeled down to pull their masks on.

“What’s that?  Some kind of drug?”

“Underground rave.  They break into abandoned warehouses each week, and by the time the cops show up they’re usually long gone.”

Masks firmly in place the truck and squad companies made for the building, ushering the few stragglers coming out towards Dawson and Shay.  But there weren’t many of them, which they didn’t understand until they caught sight of the front doors to the warehouse. The two glass doors looked like they’d been jammed shut, and the people inside, in their alcohol, drug, and panic addled minds had been unable to get open and instead had just resorted to pushing against it.  Those closest were pressed right up against it, unable to get away because of the large crowd that had formed behind them. To add to the chaos they were all yelling and screaming to get out as well as banging on the glass with their fists and feet.

Herrmann and Otis ran up to get a closer look at the situation.  “They’re in there too tight,” Otis yelled back.

And he was clearly right.  Casey thought they might have been able to break the glass but with them pressed in so close it would likely cause more injuries than it was worth.  And the people were clearly not in any mind to calmly back away while they did so. They were going to need to find another way in.

“We’re going to have to pull them out from the back,” Severide said, confirming Casey’s own thoughts.

A high pitched scream stole their attention before they could start investigating and looking up they saw a young woman half falling out of one of the upper floor windows.  She didn’t look steady at all, and Severide knew a fall from that height could easily be fatal.

“Help me!”

“Hey!” Severide yelled back.  “Don’t move! We’re coming!”

“Cruz, Mills, you’re with Severide,” Casey ordered.  “Everyone else with me.”

The rest of the Truck company followed Casey around the back of the building to look for another entrance, while Severide concentrated on getting the girl down.

“Mills, get me a 35-foot ladder.”

The kid hurried off to do exactly that, Hadley right behind him to help.  While they were getting it, Severide sized up an old ladder that had been bolted to the side of the building, probably as an alternate way to get to the roof.  Deciding it looked stable enough and was worth the risk, he started to climb.

 

Meanwhile, Casey and the others scoured the back wall looking for another way in.  Eventually they found what looked to be an old service entrance that had been long since boarded up.  Luckily the wood was weather damaged and almost rotten so it was work of a quick minute with the halligan to bust it open.  From there they made their way back towards the front of the building.

Lights were draped over the walls, music pounded in the air, and the floor was thick with discarded bottles and cups, as well as a grey smoke that was causing any victims they came across to cough uncontrollably.  They found one man lying on the ground, and Casey quickly passed him off to Mouch to get him out. They fanned out, clearing the room, before heading to the large crowd around the door where people were literally climbing over each other in an attempt to get out.

“Alright, let’s pull people from the top and get them out the back way.”

Anyone who could walk was directed to the service door, while the firefighters concentrated on those who had been trampled in the chaos.

 

Severide scaled the wall quickly, worried about the girl who was clinging to the window for dear life.

“Help,” she sobbed.  “I’m going to fall.”

“Almost there,” Severide panted.  “Just hang on.”

Severide finally reached the girl, cursing under his breath when he realised the girl was further away from the ladder than he realised.

“Try and get a good hold on that windowsill,” he instructed.  Then, praying that the ladder was sturdier than it looked, took one hand off and leant to the side to try and grab a hold of her.  He’d just gotten hand on her elbow when she slipped, and suddenly he became the only thing that was keeping her from falling to the ground.  Her shrill screams pierced the night air, even louder than the music pulsing out the open window, and gritting his teeth he tightened his hold.

Thankfully in the next moment, the ladder thudded into place beside them and Severide heard the blessed sound of boots on metal rungs, knowing that one of his men was on their way.  He swung the girl carefully towards the ladder and she managed to hook her leg onto it. Seconds later Capp appeared below her, helping her onto the ladder completely, and making sure she had a firm grip before they started their descent back down.

“Everyone into the building to help Truck,” Severide called down to his men, and they all hurried off around the back while he made his own way to the ground.  As he went a voice crackled across the radio.

_ “This is Casey.  Cancel the Hazmat.  It’s pepper spray.” _

It took them awhile but eventually they got the warehouse cleared, and everyone carted off to the hospital.  Luckily most of the injuries were minor, though a few who had been closest to the door would have to stay a couple nights in the hospital.  

Benny was unusually quiet on the ride back, and Severide noticed the pensive look on his face as he got slowly out of the rig amidst the rest of the company who were rushing inside to see what was for dinner.

“What’s going on with you?”

Benny blinked and seemed to come back to himself, offering his son a slight smile.  “Yeah, sorry. It’s just seeing everybody hustling into a building, not knowing what to expect, that rush, and then remembering all the guys that never came out.”

Severide had never seen his father so serious and didn’t really know how to respond to it.

“I don’t know.  For some reason, it just got me thinking about all the brothers I lost on the job.”

“Well, you’ve got a key to my place, right?  Do you want to hang out there until I finish the shift?”

Benny visibly shook himself, the melancholy fading from his eyes.  “No, no, no, I’m good. I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“No, yeah, I’m good, thanks.”

Severide turned to lead his father inside, not noticing when Benny hesitated, eyeing Mills, where the candidate was making sure the compartments of the truck rig were all in order on the other side of the bay.  The sound of the house alarm shook him from his reverie and he hastened after his son.

“ _ Casey, you got a visitor out front.” _

Casey ducked back out onto the apparatus floor, forehead creasing as worry started to manifest; it was fairly late, and the chances that someone was just dropping by just for a chat were slim.  He hurried out the front, worry increasing when he caught sight of Heather walking up the drive.

“Heather,” he said, forcing himself to smile and trying to remain calm.  “I didn’t know you’d be coming by.”

“Had a late night at work, and saw you guys pull in when I was driving by,” she replied with an easy smile, and the tension in Casey’s stomach eased as he allowed himself to be pulled into a tight hug.

“You doing okay?”

“Yeah.”

It had been a while since Casey had actually spoken to Heather, between his mother’s parole, and Severide’s injuring, as well as their reunion.  He’d kept tabs on the family through facebook and the like, but actually talking to her had been another story.

“The kids?”

“Yeah, they’re doing really good.  I think we’re starting to find our rhythm again.”

“That’s great.  Well,” Casey continued, when Heather didn’t say anything.  “Do you want to come in and have some dinner, say hi to everybody?  We just got back from a call so everyone should still be awake.”

“I actually wanted to-”  Heather broke off with a sigh, obviously struggling with what to say.  She reached into her bag and withdrew a thick card, offering it to Casey.  “This came a few days ago.”

“The Academy dinner,” Casey said with a grin, reading the invitation.  “Best party all year. Everyone would love to see you.”

Heather bit her lip.  “This is gonna sound really insensitive, but I’m kind of over being the grieving widow.”

Casey flinched a little, not knowing how to feel about that, and Heather quickly continued.

“I want to put it behind me, but every time I walk into a room alone, I’m swarmed with condolences, which doesn’t exactly help.”

Casey nodded a bit, guessing that made sense.

“Would it be a big imposition if I just tagged along with you and Hallie?”

“I thought you knew, me and Hallie broke it off a couple months ago.”

Heather’s hand jumped to her mouth, obviously shocked and mortified to have been clueless.  “Oh, God, Matt, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.  Really,” he added when Heather still looked apologetic.  He wavered for a moment wondering if he should tell her about Kelly, but in the end decided against it.  Things between Heather and Severide had been rocky ever since Andy had died, and he wasn’t sure how news of their reconciliation would go down, or if it would scare her off coming to the dinner.  “Come anyway. Most of the house will be there, we’re all going as a big group, so we can all hang out. It’ll be fun.”

The relief was clear on Heather’s face as she smiled and hugged him again.  “Thanks Matt,” she murmured against his shoulder.

Casey didn’t realise someone was watching them until he’d said goodbye to Heather, saw her to her car, and started back up the driver, where he found Severide leaning against one of the closed garage doors, arms crossed and face impassive.

“Hey,” Casey said, walking up to Severide.  His boyfriend opened his arms, and Casey snuggled in, trying to ward off the chill of the night air.

“What was that about?”

“She wanted to join me and Hallie at the Academy dinner.”

“Well this is awkward, I was assuming  _ we’d  _ go together.”

“Ha ha.  I told her she should come anyway.”

“And told her about us in the process?”

“Yeah not so much,” Casey admitted.  He pulled back when Severide didn’t answer and threw him an apologetic look.  “I’m sorry, but the conversation was weird enough without adding that.”

“Weird?” Severide asked, trailing a hand up and down Casey’s back while the blonde hooked his chin over his shoulder and pressed his freezing lips to the warm skin of Severide’s throat.

“Yeah,” he murmured, frowning as he thought over the conversation.  “She said she’s ready to move on. I don’t know it was weird.”

Casey felt Severide tense against him.  “Move on? It hasn’t even been a year.”

“I know, but it’s not really our place to tell her how to grieve.”

“I guess.”  They were silent for a moment, just enjoying the feeling and warmth of being pressed against each other.  Then, “Do you want to go in now?”

“Yes, please, I’m freezing.”

Severide chuckled and grabbed Casey’s trembling hand, leading him inside into the warmth.

“Are you going to be okay with this?  I know after Andy you took the brunt of her grief and frustration.”

Severide just shrugged.  “She just needed time.”

They stepped inside, dropping each other’s hands and eagerly approached the kitchen bench where Mills was putting the finishing touches on and serving up dinner.  They grabbed themselves a plate and joined Shay at her table, even though she hadn’t made a move to get herself any dinner. Benny was nowhere in sight but Severide thought that he might need some time to himself after the call and so let him be.

“Hey, Shay, you eating?” Mills asked, as he dished out the last of the dinner.

“No.”  She ripped the lid of a tupperware container, revealing a fresh looking salad within.  “No thanks. I’m not going to eat that stuff anymore.” She busied herself with her ipad.

“You on a diet?” Herrmann called from the other table.  “‘Cause that’s intervention time, honey.” He pointed his fork at her dangerously.

“Okay,” Shay said throwing her hands up, and standing abruptly from the table.  “Okay fine. I have an announcement to make, a). Because I’m completely proud of this decision, and b). To avoid everybody here from acting like a bunch of gossipy bitches behind my back.”

Silence greeted that statement, everyone focussing their full attention on Shay.  Casey and Severide exchanged worried glances, having a bad feeling they knew what was about to come next.

“I’m going to be artificially inseminated, and hopefully have a baby.  So I need to eat healthily, and yes, I’m going to be eating mostly fruits and vegetables and organic lean meats, and avoiding such things like the sausage turbo cheddar scramble and the like,” she concluded with a dirty look at Mills who held his hands up in surrender.  

Severide couldn’t help it but start to snigger, not even stopping when Shay kicked him.  

“And now I’m going to browse through potential sperm donors, which was something I was hiding, I don’t feel the need to anymore and continue to look for the perfect applicant.”

Shay sat down with an indignant thump and yanked her ipad back towards her.  Severide was still sniggering, and even Casey was having trouble not chuckling at the dumbfounded looks on some of his colleagues faces.

Eventually though, as always, life went on and conversation broke out again all over the room; Herrmann, Dawson, and Otis were arguing about potential bar names, Mouch and Cruz were debating the ranking of action films, and the squad company were enthusiastically planning a night out for their next 48 hour break.  Severide and Casey simultaneously scooted closer to Shay so they could get a better look at the ipad.

Shay sighed sharply.  “Look, if I’m about to get a lecture, or a lengthy explanation about why you think this is a bad idea, I’m really not in the mood-”

“Shay,” Casey said gently.  “Shay.” He waited until she sighed again and met his eye.  “I think it’s great.”

This time when Shay sighed it was one of relief.  “Thanks, Matt,” she said, patting his cheek affectionately.  “Okay, so check this out, I’ve started going through the donors and some of them are actually decent?”

By the time Casey and Severide bade the rest of the house goodnight and headed off to their quarters their minds were swimming with prospective sperm donors.

“You know that last one wasn't too bad,” Severide said as they ambled down the corridor.

“Oh yeah,” Casey agreed.  “6ft. 2, brown hair, green eyes, massage therapist.  He can massage me anytime-”

“Alright,” Severide broke in, knocking his hip against Casey’s.

“Hey,” Dawson’s voice called from behind them, making them tense and spin around.  Casey and her still weren’t on the best of speaking terms after the whole Voight situation.  Dawson rubbed at her forehead, looking worried. “This whole baby thing, she’s just overreacting, right?  Because of Clarice?”

Severide shrugged.  “You remember the last time Clarice dumped her?”

“The dragon tattoo thing?”

“We watched for an hour while the guy traced that pattern all down her side before she backed out.”

“And if she doesn’t back out this time?”

“So she has a kid?  So what?”

Dawson goggled at them and Severide shrugged.

“What will be, will be, Dawson.  No use worrying about it.”

She managed a nod, and wandered off still looking troubled, while Severide and Casey headed for their quarters.

* * *

“So, bisexual, huh?” Benny said conversationally to Casey, over breakfast the next morning at Severide and Shay’s apartment.  The blonde coughed in surprise, Shay snorted coffee back into her cup, and Severide could only gape at his father. Benny, seemingly oblivious glanced at Shay.  “And you’re…”

“A lesbian,” she said, nodding.  “Yes, sir.”

“Pop!” Severide exclaimed, suddenly finding his voice.  “What the hell?”

Benny ignored his son.  “You guys have come a long way, with marriage rights and the like.”

Shay glanced at Severide who looked like he was a second away from banging his head against the fridge, to Casey who looked wide-eyed and lost.  “We sure have,” Shay finally said, looking faintly amused, while Casey nodded vaguely.

“Tough growing up?”

Casey stared beseechingly at Shay, begging her silently to answer the question.  His childhood wasn’t something he liked to talk about a whole lot, and definitely felt a little dark for a breakfast with his partner’s father.

Shay, blessedly, caught on at once.  “Not so much. I mean, two big obstacles growing up gay are confusion and lack of acceptance, and I was lucky I didn’t suffer in either department.”

“Parents?”

Severide glared at his father, not that Benny seemed to notice.

“Divorced, but both on board, really cool.”

“Well, that’s great,” Benny said easily, helping himself to another cup of coffee.

“You good?” Severide asked, irritation seeping into his voice.  “You got everything you need?”

“What?” Benny asked, the epitome of innocence.  “I was just curious. It’s not like you talk to me about this stuff, Kelly.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Severide muttered into his coffee cup.

“What about you, Matt?”

Severide set his mug down with a clatter.  “Pops, you know not everyone is comfortable talking about these things,” he said pointedly.

“Kel,” Casey said gently, touching his thigh.  “It’s okay.” He leveled a look at Benny. “Neither of my parents were the sort of person I could talk to about it, so I mostly worked it out alone.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Benny said after a moment, before looking at his son, unreadable emotion clouding his eyes.

“You’re coming to the Academy dinner, right Shay?” Severide asked, in a blatant attempt to change the subject.

“Ehh,” Shay wavered, shrugging a shoulder.  “I’m not sure how much fun it’s going to be, I’m not even drinking.”

“Oh, come on,” Severide cajoled, poking her in the ribs.  “It’ll be fun. And if you’re not drinking that means you can drive us.”

Shay groaned but relented.  “Fine. Now I’m going to look through the sperm donors before you can rope me into something else,” she grumbled, slipping off the bar stool and heading off with her ipad to the lounge area, Casey following after her.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Severide found himself saying to his father even as his eyes remained firmly on Shay and Casey.  It was the truth; despite the awkward conversation from before, it had actually been good so far. Severide was just hoping that Benny didn’t find time to ruin it before he left.

“I’m glad to be here.  And like I said, I’m going to make more of an effort to come down and spend time with you.  Being here has made me realise how much I wasn’t there for you when you were a kid; I know it doesn’t make up for it, but I want to support you now.”

Part of Severide wanted to reassure his father that it wasn’t as bad as he thought, but it wouldn’t be the truth.  Finding himself and accepting his sexuality hadn’t been a walk in the park, and though Severide loved her, and she’d eventually come to accept him, his mother had been a hard core Christian and had struggled with it herself.  So he’d ended up going through it alone, only coming out to his father years later, the conversation being the only time they’d openly talked about his sexuality. Severide didn’t need his father to lead a pride march or wear a rainbow t-shirt, but being able to have more than a single conversation about it would have been nice.

“This Mills kid, does he have plans on moving to Squad one day?”  Although Benny was trying his hardest to appear calm, Severide could hear the tension beneath his voice.

Severide shrugged, glancing at him curiously.  “Last I heard.”

A muscle worked in his father’s jaw.  “Vet him first. Make sure he’s got what it takes before you go into a burning building with him covering your back.”

Severide stared at the side of Benny’s face.  “Anything I need to know?”

Benny shifted minutely, jaw clenched.

“Considering he’s currently covering my boyfriend’s back, I’d love to know what you meant by that.”

But Benny shook his head again.  “I said what I said,” is all he would say.  “Just vet him.”

* * *

A couple days later found them all back at 51 for another shift;  Benny didn’t ask to tag along and Severide didn’t push, knowing that the first one had been harder than either of them expected.  It was only a few hours before the next shift was due to relieve them when they got called out into the cold morning air. They came to the scene of a car accident, lamppost laying across the back, driver seat abandoned, while the passenger seat held a victim.

“Looks like our driver took off,” Casey noted to Boden, while Severide rounded the car to check on the victim.

“My legs are stuck,” he told Severide.  “I can’t get out.” Severide tugged at the door handle but it didn’t budge.  “Capp, Hadley,” he barked. “Get the spreaders.”

Casey peered in through the driver side window.  “The driver, did you see which way he went?”

“He tried to avoid that bike.”

“Motorcycle.”

“No, a- a bike messenger,” the victim stuttered while Dawson fitted a spinal collar around his neck.  “He came out of nowhere. We swerved but- is he okay?”

“Yeah, I think you missed him,” Shay said.

Casey backed away glancing around for any sight of the third victim, but it was Cruz, also circling the car, who found him.  “Over here!” he called, getting down on his knees to peer underneath the car. They waited while he reached under, no doubt to check for a pulse but when he reappeared it was with a grim shake of the head.

“Okay,” Casey called taking charge.  “Cruz, Mouch, let’s get cribbing set up on the driver’s side.  Herrmann, air bags.”

While they got moving on those tasks, Boden stood staring down at a pool of blood by the driver side door.  “Mills, grab a jump bag and track down the driver. This much blood, he’s got to be close.”

Mills glanced over at Casey to make sure his Lieutenant had heard and he waved him off, turning his focus back on the car wreck, and getting out first the passenger side victim, and then the bike messenger underneath.  It went smoothly enough once Severide and his team got the spreaders in there and pried the door open, getting the victim free and loading him into an ambulance. Next they got the bike messenger free, covering him with a sheet to protect his privacy from the onlookers and reporters who had started to arrive, before loading him into a second ambulance to take him to Lakeshore where his family would be notified.  It was only then once he’d ordered his company to start packing up did Casey notice that Mills was yet to return. Catching Boden’s eye, the pair left the rest of them to it, searching for the candidate.

The found him quickly enough on one of the bridges that traversed the Chicago river, talking to the driver who was standing on the other side of the railing, obviously thinking about jumping.  Casey doubted he’d die from the fall alone, but he would be in serious danger from that icy water if they didn’t get him out again fast enough.

“The guy’s fine,” Mills was saying to the guy, obviously trying to keep his voice as possible even as he held the guy’s life in his hands.  “He just went into shock. Sometimes, the body, it shuts down and it needs to re-boot.”

The guy shook his head looking back out at the river.  “You’ll say anything to get me off here.”

“I’m not a crisis negotiator guy, I’m a paramedic.”

Casey and Boden stopped, close enough that they could jump into action if needed, but not so close they’d spook the guy into jumping.

“I came here to check on your arm and help out.  And if you’re thinking about killing yourself because you think you killed somebody, then I’m sorry but you’re working off bad intel.”

The guy looked at him slowly, a sad kind of hope filling his eyes.

“Hey, Lieutenant,” Mills said, glancing at Casey.  “Bike messenger guy, can you give him an update?”

Casey blinked, and cleared his throat.  “Broken right femur, a couple broken ribs.  Apart from that, he’s going to be fine.”

“What did I tell you?”

The guy hesitated.  “Promise me you’re not lying.”

Mills didn’t miss a beat.  “I promise. Okay?” He stepped forward slowly, reaching first for his shoulder, then Casey was by his side and together they hauled him over the rail, passing him off to some paramedics waiting nearby.  They watched them wheel him off, not talking about how close they’d been to losing another one.

“I figured it was better to lie to him and get him down, and he could get over it later,” Mills said eventually.

“You figured right,” Casey said, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Nice work, Mills,” Boden said gruffly, and together they headed back to their rigs.

 

Mills caught up with Casey and Severide as they were heading out of the house later that morning, looking like an excitable puppy, the way he bounced over to them.

“Hey Lieutenants.”

“Hey, Mills,” Severide said easily.  “I heard you did some nice work at the bridge.”

Mills ducked his head with a slight grin.  “Oh, yeah, thanks. I was just wondering- is your dad gonna come back to the house at all?”

“Uh, I’m not sure,” Severide admitted, glancing at Casey who looked equally confused.

“If he isn’t, do you think he’d mind going to grab a beer, or something?”

“I don’t know how long he’ll be sticking around the city.”

“Yeah, it’s just, he worked with my dad.  And I just wanted to hear, you know? I need to know how my dad died.”

Understanding flooded Severide and he found himself nodding, saying, “Let me have a word to him.  Maybe get him to find you tonight, or drop by the house before he leaves.”

“Thanks, Lieutenant,” Mills said, bidding them goodbye and telling them he’d see them at the dinner.

“That was nice of you,” Casey said, as they started walking to Severide’s car.

“I can be nice,” Severide protested, winding an arm around Casey’s waist to drag him closer.  “It’s gotta be hard, you know. And I get it, wanting to know the details.”

Casey hummed a sympathetic noise.  He’d seen for himself the almost mania Severide had worked himself into researching cancer when his mother was diagnosed, wanting to know all the statistics, wanting to read the biographies of survivors.  It had taken him a while to realise all the research in the world wasn’t going to save his mother and to just enjoy the final few months he had with her.

“You think he’ll go for it?  Benny?”

Severide didn’t answer for a long moment, clearly stewing on it.  “I don’t know,” he said finally.

“But?”

“I don’t know, we had a weird moment the other morning.  He basically told me that I shouldn’t let Mills on squad.”

Casey shot him an alarmed look, and rightfully so; that wasn’t the type of accusation that a firefighter threw out unless they had a damn good reason.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he continued, even though he wasn’t sure he fully believed that.  “He wouldn’t tell me anything else so he’s probably just stirring up trouble. But be careful, yeah?”

They’d reached the car but neither of them made a move to get in.  Instead Casey turned in Severide’s arms and leaned in to press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.  “Always,” he said, eyes unusually grave.

 

There was a reason everyone considered the Academy Dinner to be one of the best parties of the year; anyone who wasn’t on shift went, all the bigwigs in the department came out, and a decent chunk of the retirees were also there.  It was held in a massive ballroom, and was basically an excuse for everyone to get drunk under the guise of showing support for the Academy’s scholarship fund.

Shay watched Severide order a drink from the bar with greedy eyes, looking stunning in a long black dress and dramatic makeup.

“Come on, just one sip,” she said the second he had the glass in hand and reached for it.

“Hey!” Severide cried, trying to pull his glass away and fend her off with one hand without spilling a drop.

“You suck,” Shay groaned dramatically, but relented with a pout.

“Gotta get your oven ready for that bun, baby.”  He poked her stomach pointedly and dodged her retaliatory slap on the arm.

“Hey, listen, thanks for backing me up on all this.”

“Well, I have to admit Casey had to get my head on straight about it at first.”

Shay snorted knowingly like she’d already guessed as much.

“But come on, you’re my girl.  You know that.”

They caught sight of Heather and Casey heading towards them.  Casey had offered to drive her, so they hadn’t seen him yet, and Severide’s breath caught at the sight of Casey in his suit, the cut of it doing all the right things.  Casey had Heather on his arm but broke away from her easily enough to greet his boyfriend, while Shay and Heather hugged in greeting.

“You clean up nice,” Casey murmured into his ear, before he leaned in to kiss him, short and sweet like they always kept it at CFD events.  They were technically off duty so they could be more relaxed, but they didn’t like to push their luck.

“Hey, baby.”  

As Casey pulled back, Severide’s eyes flicked over him once again in an approving once over making him grin.  “Keep it in your pants, Lieutenant.”

“No promises,” Severide said in an undertone, before catching Heather’s gaze.  “Hey, Heather,” he said cautiously.

“Hi, Kelly.  It’s good to see you.”

There must have been clear disbelief on her face because she chuckled a bit, and stepped forward to hug him briefly.

“I mean that.”

“I’m really glad you could come.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Drink?” Casey offered.

“Yes, please!”

They all laughed lightly at her tone, before Casey disappeared to acquire drinks for them both.  Heather watched him go for a moment before she turned back to Severide and Shay.

“Matt told me that you got back together on the way over.  I’m happy for you, you always were good together.”

Severide thought he saw something in her eyes as she spoke, something shadowed, but it disappeared before he could identify it so he brushed it off.  He was just glad that Casey had saved him the trouble of breaking the news but he figured their greeting had to have made it obvious enough anyway.

Casey returned with the drinks soon enough and they started to make their way to the table they were all sharing, stopping many times along the way to say hello to old friends and colleagues.

“Looks like Dawson and Mills are a thing,” Severide said at one point, nodding to where the pair were standing together, his hand resting low on her back.

Shay shot them a devious smile that told them she’d known all along and sauntered off.

“Good for them,” Casey said, not unkindly.

“At least this will get her off your back.  Things still awkward between you two?”

Casey shrugged.  “I’ve barely talked to her.”

Severide knew Casey had no romantic interest in Dawson, but he also knew it bothered his boyfriend that things were rocky between them.  The Academy Dinner wasn’t the night to deal with it though, so he ushered them to their seats, Benny slipping in on his other side just in time for Boden to step up to the lectern to begin his speech.

“I would like to thank everyone for coming out tonight to support the Academy’s scholarship fund.”

Boden paused for the obligatory applause from the crowd.  Casey clapped particularly hard; he had gotten into the Academy on scholarship and he could remember like it had happened yesterday the relief he’d felt when that letter had arrived, how much joining the Academy had saved him.

“When I look around this room, I think of the importance that this institution has had on each and every firefighter here.  The discipline, the tradition, it’s what ties us all together, the young and the well-seasoned alike. And I am very well-seasoned.”

The audience chuckled.

“This was made clear the other day when I watched a young candidate's bold actions save a life, and he’s sitting right there, Peter Mills.”

He gestured to where Mills was sitting just a few tables away from Casey and Severide.

“Now, for me it was like looking back 20 years to the same candidate’s father, Henry, a firefighter who I served with and who selflessly gave his life in the line of duty.”

Benny stood up suddenly, finishing his drink with a toss of his head and letting the glass come back down on the table with an audible clatter.  They were far enough back that it most of the room didn’t even notice the commotion, but up on stage, Boden paused, watching with unreadable eyes as Benny made his exit.  Severide shifted, debating whether to follow his father, but Benny didn’t look worried beyond bearing a slightly perturbed expression and he figured he could find him once Boden’s speech was over.

“This father and son, they attended the Academy many years apart, but somehow they shared the same capacity for exceptional heroism.  Truth is, every soul who knocks on those Academy doors asking to serve, they’re already heroes, because they were born that way.”

Boden’s attention seemed to shift for a moment to Casey and Severide’s table, and Casey was sure they were all thinking about Darden, about how Heather had accused Severide of pushing Andy into becoming a firefighter when it couldn’t be further from the truth.  Because Andy had been born ready to serve, ready to protect, just like all of them. Casey felt a hand touch his thigh, and without looking away from Boden, he reached down and tangled his fingers together with Severide’s.

“When we are gone, they will be the ones left holding the torch, assuring that, for generations to come, the CFD Academy will be the stalwart and the bedrock of this department, and this great city.”

Once Boden stepped down from the podium and someone else took his place to begin what would undoubtedly be a string of dry speeches, Severide ducked away from his table to search for his father.  Benny wasn’t in the bathrooms, or at the bar, and Severide was just checking the coat check when he got a text, Benny telling him that he wasn’t feeling the best and had decided to cab it home. Rolling his eyes and shoving his phone back into pocket, Severide decided to order himself another drink before he headed back to the table.

 

It was several hours later, standing watching the dance floor slowly empty, when Casey felt someone approach him from behind.  He stiffened automatically before the familiar scent washed over him, and he melted back against Severide. There were still people around, but those high enough to really care had either left already or were too drunk to notice.

“Hey,” he murmured, mouthing along the edge of Casey’s collar.

“Hi.”

“I think we should head home.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Severide breathed, biting down gently.

Casey smirked and rolled his hips back; he knew that tone, and sure enough he found Severide hard against his backside.  He turned his head, catching Severide’s lips with his own, tasting the bourbon on his tongue.

He groaned and pulled away.  “You’re drunk.”

“Not that bad,” Severide argued, trying to lean in again.  “Not drunk enough that I don’t know I want you to fuck me,” he murmured into Casey’s ear when the blonde resisted.  “Not drunk enough that I won’t beg you to fuck me harder.”

Casey’s resolve snapped as his eyes rolled back at the image and he grabbed Severide’s hand, squeezing.

“Alright,” he bit out.  “I’ll meet you back at your place.  I just need to drop Heather home first.”

Severide pulled back with an honest to God pout, looking like he was fresh out of the academy again, so much that Casey didn’t know whether to laugh or stare.  

“Fine,” Severide said with a wicked grin.  “But you’d better be quick or I might just start without you.”

Casey cursed lowly and pushed him away, watching just long enough to see him steal Shay away from where she was flirting with one of the female firefighters from the 96 and frogmarch her towards the coat check.  Then Casey turned to go find Heather.

It took all that he had not to speed as he drove Heather back to her place.  Fortunately enough Heather was in her giggly, talkative drunk phase and the already short trip passed much faster with her chattering in the passenger seat of his truck.

“That was so fun,” she sighed, chuckling a little, as he pulled up by the curb outside her house.  “Thank you so much for letting me tag along.”

“I’m glad you had a good time, Heather.  You deserved it.” He paused expecting her to say goodnight.  “It was great seeing you,” he added when she didn’t.

Heather was looking at Casey like she wanted to say something and he didn’t want to rush her, but he was also very aware of the fact that Severide was probably back at his apartment already, probably already naked, probably prepping himself-

“You have always been there for me, Matt,” Heather said suddenly, breaking though his thoughts.  “And I can’t even tell you what that means to me.”

“It’s been my pleasure,” Casey said.  

He opened his mouth to say something else, what he wasn’t exactly sure, maybe something about Andy and how he could never abandon his best friend’s widow like that.  But he never got the chance because Heather was suddenly leaning across the space and pressing her lips to his. For a second it felt like Casey’s brain went completely offline because he simply sat there, the pressure of Heather’s lips on his alien, almost like it was happening to someone else.  Then he started thinking again and all the only thought his brain could muster was how wrong it was; how wrong it was because this was Andy’s widow, how wrong it was because this wasn’t Kelly, just how completely wrong this whole situation was. He stiffened and raised his hand, about to push her away as nicely as possible, when she sat back all of her own accord.

Casey could only gape at her, but if she noticed the surprise, he doubted it would make it very far past the alcohol glazing her eyes.  And before he could say anything, Heather simply smiled, wished him a goodnight, and slipped from the truck. Casey watched her go, mouth hanging open as he tried to work out what exactly had just happened.  And when he did there was only two words for it.

“Oh fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catch me trying to squeeze as many cute/sexy sevasey moments in as I can before all the drama starts next chapter.
> 
> A quick note: you might have noticed but I have hinted quite a few times that Severide's mother is dead in this fic and despite the show bringing her in, I'm going to stick with my original hc that she passed away several years before the start of s1. I didn't mind Severide's mum on the show, but I also don't think she brought very much to the show or Severide's character, certainly not enough to warrant me going back and bothering to change my fic.
> 
> I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated, although I think I'm already doing better than last year, but I'm working on multiple chaptered fics as well as my own non-fanfiction writing for uni so the struggled is real. Hopefully from now on I will be updating my two re-write fics in turns so neither will get more attention than the other.
> 
> Anyway, as always I love each and every one of you who reads, leaves kudos, and writes comments. You're all amazing!! I hope you like the chapter and make sure you tell me what worked, what didn't, and what you'd like to see in the future chapters :)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm baaaaaaaaack! With part two of Chicago Fire rewritten, I hope you guys are excited. I know, I know, I disappeared forever, I know I said something about getting this first chapter around the new year but life is hard guys, and I'm not going to lie to you guys, I just really didn't want to write about Sevasey. And for me, I can't force myself to write when I'm uninspired or else it just turns out shit and you guys deserve better than. So I just wrote a few paragraphs when I had the time and energy, and then something clicked this weekend and I smashed out the rest of the chapter.
> 
> So as always, first chapter, some housekeeping things:
> 
> \- This is the only chapter I have written, so I will try to post about once a month like I used to but it will be whenever I finish a chapter. And uni is really hard guys, so chapter's might take me a little longer to write.
> 
> \- Also, I have multiple multi-chapter works I'm working on at the moment, and I'm not prioritising any over the others. So sometimes I might be posting a lot on those works, but I will try to keep it as even as possible.
> 
> \- This contains the events from the second half of season two so will probably be about the same length as the last fic. I will be changing things up a little, Heather returns, and does Hallie but don't worry I'm not breaking Sevasey up just so they can get together. But there will be waves people, a fic is not a fic without some angst so things will not be all smooth sailing. Buckle up nerds.
> 
> \- Also anyone who is curious the title comes from P!nk's song "Just Give Me A Reason". Part one of this series is a line from that song, and the title of this fic is the one that comes next. I'm thinking of doing that for the rest of the series.
> 
> And finally, you might have noticed that this fic is dedicated to someone. I usually don't dedicate my fic, my fic is for you guys but I really needed to do it this time. I appreciate and cherish every reader, kudos-leaver, subscriber, and commenter, but Pall really goes above and beyond. They leave paragraph comments on every chapter (which I love), help me work through the next chapter, cheerlead me through my writing block, and always listens to me vent, and for that I can't be more grateful. I can honestly say, I probably wouldn't have gotten this far without them. So thanks to Pall, this fic is for you.
> 
> That's it for this essay of an author's note, kudos to you if you got all the way through it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know what you thought, and what you'd like to see in this fic, and I'll see you next time. Thanks guys xx


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